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Do you agree or disagree? The rules that society today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v.171

The rules that society today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v. 171
Throughout history, human being always have tried to find the best way for improving the society and elevate the welfare, which among of these ways rules play a key role in the human' s life, especially for young people. In this regards, todays, society expect to follow all the rules by young people even they are too strict. As far as I am concerned, young people should following all the rules, which they make in the societies. In the following paragraph, I will delve into the most outstanding reasons. First, in the modern world, the advancement of technology has bad impacts on the youth that have controlled by the some policies. To put it in other words, the invention of some high technologies such as smartphones, electrical devices, and computers let to using these tools in the bad way. For example, I remember when I was a university student I had a problematic course that was related to mechanical engineering science and our class had a great quite atmosphere, since there were some policies in our college for banding the use of mobile phones and electrical devices in the class. At the end of semester, I could pass this course based on this condition. Thus, if I had not followed the university’s rules, I would not be able to pass my course. Second, nowadays, there are many ways to improve the responsibility of the young people in the society, and making the rules has challenged more than others. To be more specific, if young people and children obey the law in all situation, they can enhance their responsibility and gain a lot of experience for the future. For instance, once when I was a student I should did my math homework based on professor' s guideline. After many attempts, I could do my best, and finally I have been successful. Now, I have been a good planer, and I have a huge company. As a result, had I not respected to the rules, I would not be capable of in a high-level position now. In conclusion, apart from what was mentioned above, there are several others reasons for which I subscribe the idea that it is better for young people to follow the rules that make by society. Thus, not only does it help the youth to improve their responsibility, but also it can control the negative effects of technology to pave the way for the future success.
Throughout history, human being always have tried to find the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
for improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and elevate the welfare, which among of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
play a key role in the
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human&
#039; s life,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In
Did you mean "these"?
this
regards,
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to follow all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even they are too strict. As far as I
am concerned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "follow"
following
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. In the following paragraph, I will delve into the most outstanding reasons.

First
, in the modern world, the advancement of technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impacts on the youth that have controlled by the
Did you mean "same"?
some
policies. To put it
in other words
, the invention of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
high technologies such as smartphones, electrical devices, and computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
to using these tools in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
.
For example
, I remember when I was a university student I had a problematic course that
was related
to mechanical engineering science and our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
had a great quite atmosphere, since there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
policies in our college for banding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile phones and electrical devices in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of semester, I could pass this course based on this condition.
Thus
, if I had not followed the university’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, I would not be able to pass my course.

Second, nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, and making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
has challenged more than others. To be more specific, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and children obey the law in all situation, they can enhance their responsibility and gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experience for the future.
For instance
, once when I was a student I should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "do"
did
my math homework based on
Possible spelling mistake found.
professor&
#039; s guideline. After
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
attempts, I could do my best, and
finally
I have been successful.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I have been a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
planer, and I have a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
As a result
, had I not respected to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, I would not be capable of in a high-level position
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

In conclusion
, apart from what
was mentioned
above, there are several others reasons for which I subscribe the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Thus
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the youth to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their responsibility,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it can control the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of technology to pave the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
for the future success.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The rules that society today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v. 171

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
408 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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