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Do you agree or disagree with this statement? In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. v.4

In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. v. 4
In the recent times, people are doing research on the innumerable topics from that happiness is one of the crucial parameters. However, this will result into the analysis of the factor whether it makes the person delighted by their self-opine or by the various attributes. The essay will discuss my stance with supporting argument in the following paragraphs. To begin with, the foremost reasons are that many people perceive that one’s feeling of joy depends on their thinking and needs. Although, sometimes people having a good job, a family and friends still they were not happy, the reason is that they were always looking for the things that which they do not have. They never think about what they have. Moreover, after getting the basic needs of the life every human being wants to acquire the other things and work hard for it. Even this will also lead to the dissatisfaction if they fail to acquire that a particular product and loss their self-esteem. For example, Research conducted shows that in the 21st century, many laymen are converted into materialization as a result, they lost their emotion and feeling, only they want is money; this is the cause of their mental status. Thus, happiness can only be achieved by keeping positive thinking and reducing your demands. On the other hand, some people opine that there are some factors are there which affect the individual by making them delighted. The first attribute is that financial crises affect the behaviour. As the money would be considered as an important parameter for the survival of the family. Consequently, the family plays a crucial role in the growth of the bourgeois. If the one having no good moral support from their kith and keens, then it may result in sad mood. The other reason is that health would be considered as imperative role in the well being of the individual. For instance, someone having good fitness, family support and having good financial status can enjoy their life with joy. Thus, money, moral support, this is the attribute is having an impact on the happiness of the person. In conclusion, as per my opinion, if a person wants to live a happy life than not only by taking precaution steps that gives them strength and manage their mental status, but also needs family support, health stability and money which need to buy necessary things. The balance of the above both states gives happiness to the individual.
In the recent times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are doing research on the innumerable topics from that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is one of the crucial parameters.
However
, this will result into the analysis of the factor whether it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the person delighted by their self-opine or by the various attributes. The essay will discuss my stance with supporting argument in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the foremost reasons are that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perceive that one’s feeling of joy depends on their thinking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. Although,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
job, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends
still
they were not happy, the reason is that they were always looking for the things that which they do not have. They never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about what they have.
Moreover
, after getting the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of the life every human being wants to acquire the other things and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for it. Even this will
also
lead to the dissatisfaction if they fail to acquire that a particular product and loss their self-esteem.
For example
, Research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that in the 21st century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
laymen
are converted
into materialization
as a result
, they lost their emotion and feeling,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they want is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
; this is the cause of their mental status.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be achieved
by keeping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thinking and reducing your demands.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors are there which affect the individual by making them delighted. The
first
attribute is that financial crises affect the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would
be considered
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
parameter for the survival of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
plays a crucial role in the growth of the bourgeois. If the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
moral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from their kith and keens, then it may result in sad mood. The other reason is that health would
be considered
as imperative role in the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of the individual.
For instance
, someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
fitness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
financial status can enjoy their life with joy.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, moral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
, this

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
is
the attribute is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
of the person.

In conclusion
, as per my opinion, if a person wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy life than not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by taking precaution steps that gives them strength and manage their mental status,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
, health stability and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
necessary things. The balance of the above both states gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to the individual.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
411 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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