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Do you agree or disagree? For students who are planning to work in business, learning about psychology is more important than learning about technology. v.23

For students who are planning to work in business, learning about psychology is more important than learning about technology. v. 23
Innovation is always brings a plethora of happiness to the people since they fascinated to do so. The government sectors have been spending a huge amount of money for the life on other planets while, some people think it's completely devastating culture by investing there, Instead they need to spend on resolving the major issues of local public. However, I completely agree that, not to spend too much money on research. Allocating huge amount of money on the innovation of life on other planets such as Mars is really helpful and interesting. Astronauts able to feel the experience of other planets and they are able to bring down their researching theories to the public. However, in order to continue their analysis of various things, The Government authorities required 70 percentage of their annual budget. For example, recently Japan has launched Chandrayan-2 into the space, for the discovery and it required 50% of a state budget. Additionally, the results of the investment are certainly a small achievement only, for instance, finding water drops on the Moon. Despite spending a large funds on the other planets, for already available things on the Earth, it's essential to invest that amount to the basic necessities of the local citizens such as, education, water, hospitality, and other bare minimum requirements to survive their life in the society. In a recent report released by the World Wide Financial and Citizens Corporations, only 50% percentage of funds allocated to the public to improve their quality of lifestyle. However, there were so many people across the countries where they are not able to survive with their income levels and thus it leads to more poverty. To conclude, implementing innovative ideas on other planets are acceptable with the controlled allocation of funds by the Governments. Additionally, they should not neglect the existing resources of the Earth. Government should stringent their amendments while state budget programs and even they should behave like support system for the destitute to provide the quality in their lives
Innovation is always brings a plethora of happiness to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
since they fascinated to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
sectors have been spending a huge amount of money for the life on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
while,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it's completely devastating culture by investing there,
Instead
they need to spend on resolving the major issues of local public.
However
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that, not to spend too much money on research.

Allocating huge amount of money on the innovation of life on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
such as Mars is
really
helpful and interesting. Astronauts able to feel the experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
planets and
they are able to bring down their researching theories to the public.
However
, in order to continue their analysis of various things, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
authorities required 70 percentage of their annual budget.
For example
, recently Japan has launched Chandrayan-2 into the space, for the discovery and it required 50% of a state budget.
Additionally
, the results of the investment are
certainly
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
achievement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
for instance
, finding water drops on the Moon.

Despite spending a large
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "fund"?
funds
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
, for already available things on the Earth, it's essential to invest that amount to the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of the local citizens such as, education, water, hospitality, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
bare minimum requirements to survive their life in the society. In a recent report released by the
Did you mean "worldwide"?
World Wide
Financial and Citizens Corporations,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
50% percentage of funds allocated to the public to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their quality of lifestyle.
However
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the countries where they are not able to survive with their income levels and
thus
it leads to more poverty.

To conclude
, implementing innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
are acceptable with the controlled allocation of funds by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
.
Additionally
, they should not neglect the existing resources of the Earth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
should stringent
their amendments while state budget programs and even they should behave like support system for the destitute to provide the quality in their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
lives
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay For students who are planning to work in business, learning about psychology is more important than learning about technology. v. 23

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
333 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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