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q2. A university has recently received a large sum of money. The university desperately needs to improve housing on campus, but students have also complained that the library needs to be fixed. Do you think the money should be spent on housing or the libr v.1

q2. A university has recently received a large sum of money. The university desperately needs to improve housing on campus, but students have also complained that the library needs to be fixed. Do you think the money should be spent on housing or the libr v. 1
Advancement in technology should be for the benefit of a common man. Science’s advancement in space doesn’t bring doles to the general public. Many governments around the world are spending billions to study space and find lives on other planets. Whereas, many basic issues of people living on earth are ignored. I strongly agree that funds should be used by governments to benefit people and in this essay, I will discuss my point of view that why spending for the people living in this world is more important. Discovering space, learning about other planets and stars can be interesting and as a result, this may increase the knowledge of the general public about our neighbouring planets. Recently, Indian government launched its satellite called Chandrayan into space and the whole project costed around 38% of the country’s annual budget. However, spending billions of dollars on space projects is not sensible because the result of such projects brings small achievements, for instance, discovering water on Mars and Moon. Currently, India’s 35% population lives below standard life, for example, living in sub-standard huts and begging money for basic needs such as foods and clothes. Funds, which were spent on studying other planets, would have been used for the betterment of the general public. Income distribution among people around the world is uneven. Some people walk miles to earn food while others walk miles to digest it. It is government’s responsibility to work and spend on the welfare of the general public, for example, more funds can be allocated to building welfare schools and hospitals. To conclude, advancing in technology and spending on research in space is not wrong, but allocating a big chunk of money on unnecessary things where expense is greater than the benefit and ignoring primary duties, is not sensible and the government should use the funds to improve the overall life standard of its people.
Advancement in technology should be for the benefit of a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. Science’s advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
doesn’t bring doles to the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
around the world are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
billions to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
basic issues of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living on earth are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that funds should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and in this essay, I will discuss my point of view that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in this world is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Discovering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
, learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
and stars can be interesting and
as a result
, this may increase the knowledge of the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
about our
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
. Recently, Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
launched its satellite called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chandrayan
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and the whole project costed around 38% of the country’s annual budget.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
billions of dollars on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
projects is not sensible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the result of such projects brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
achievements,
for instance
, discovering water on Mars and Moon.

Currently
, India’s 35% population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
below standard life,
for example
, living in sub-standard huts and begging money for basic needs such as foods and clothes. Funds, which
were spent
on studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
, would have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the betterment of the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. Income distribution among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world is uneven.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
walk miles to earn food while others walk miles to digest it. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
responsibility to work and spend on the welfare of the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
,
for example
, more funds can
be allocated
to building welfare schools and hospitals.

To conclude
, advancing in technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on research in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
allocating a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
chunk of money on unnecessary things where expense is greater than the benefit and ignoring primary duties, is not sensible and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the funds to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
overall
life standard of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay q2. A university has recently received a large sum of money. The university desperately needs to improve housing on campus, but students have also complained that the library needs to be fixed. Do you think the money should be spent on housing or the libr v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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