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Do you agree or disagree? "The most important thing about a job is how much money you earn in that job. " v.198

"The most important thing about a job is how much money you earn in that job. " v. 198
Almost everybody want to have good salaried job and they should, finance is a prime factor for which we work. Handsome digit salary is required to pay our bill and secure our future. But monetary gain has not outweighed other emotional and personal benefits which are required along with it. Further in my essay I will be appending my elucidation on importance of other factors with receiving salary for an employee. There are various job profile that provide high salary but not necessarily promise growth to the worker. In order to increase their bank balance, they sabotage their future prospect. Many companies has promotional graph designed with its criteria that helps you to gain promotion as well as increment but not necessarily offer you job responsibilities or profile that you would enjoy performing. To quote an instance – one of my husband’s engineer friend changed his job that gave him good position and package but unfortunately he find himself learning nothing in new job and concurred that good salary can be earned but not at the cost of limited career growth. Secondly, it is equally imperative to be satisfied with your job as it is to earn attractive income. Job – satisfaction involve many factors such as work – environment, work – place, team support and other similar perks. By paying healthy amount to worker many companies demand their so much time that they do not get time to have their meals. Similarly you do not get better support team to take over your task and meet the target but you ought to accomplish it as you take good portion of companies’ money. My brother did not got leave to offer his prayer in my grandmother’s death ceremony despite pleading and promising to meet the goal in time. Money can buy us food and fashion but definitely not capable to buy us success and happiness. Money is essential but not everything in life. Our motive to earn money is to make our life luxurious but not restricted.
Almost everybody
The pronoun 'everybody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
salaried
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
they should, finance is a prime factor for which we work. Handsome digit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is required
to pay our bill and secure our future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
monetary gain has not outweighed other emotional and personal benefits which
are required
along with it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
in my essay I will be appending my elucidation on importance of other factors with receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
for an employee.

There are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
profile that provide high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
necessarily
promise growth to the worker. In order to increase their bank balance, they sabotage their future prospect.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
promotional graph designed with its criteria that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you to gain promotion
as well
as increment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
necessarily
offer you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
responsibilities or profile that you would enjoy performing. To quote an instance
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
one of my husband’s engineer friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that gave him
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
position and package
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "finds", "found".
find
himself learning nothing in new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and concurred that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
can
be earned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not at the cost of limited career growth.

Secondly
, it is
equally
imperative to
be satisfied
with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as it is to earn attractive income.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
satisfaction involve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors such as work
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
environment, work
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
place, team support and other similar perks. By paying healthy amount to worker
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
demand their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time that they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to have their meals.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
you do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better support team to take over your task and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the target
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you ought to accomplish it as you take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
portion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
’ money. My brother did not
The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: "get"
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
to offer his prayer in my grandmother’s death ceremony despite pleading and promising to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the goal in time.

Money can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
us food and fashion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
definitely not capable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
us success and happiness. Money is essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not everything in life. Our motive to earn money is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life luxurious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not restricted.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay "The most important thing about a job is how much money you earn in that job. " v. 198

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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