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4. The most important thing about a job is how much money you earn in that job. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

4. The most important thing about a job is how much money you earn in that job. v. 1
A vast majority of our adult life is spent working; hence it is important that we have an appropriate job that fulfils our aspirations. While financial remuneration is an important factor that attracts individuals towards a specific work, I disagree that it is the most significant factor that makes a job ideal. Firstly, the importance of financial security cannot be undermined in the modern materialistic world. Since a vast majority of people earn their livelihood from their workplace, it will be difficult for individuals with a single source of income, to make their ends meet, from underpaying jobs. Thus underpaid employees, because of their financial burdens, may not be able to offer dedication and commitment in the workplace, which in turn results in under-performance. Secondly, the educated refrain from being employed in underpaying jobs, as these are less attractive. Hence the remuneration associated, is an important factor that determines the value of a particular job. On the other hand, to glorify higher earnings as the sole determiner of an ideal job is incorrect. This is because various other factors like work and life balance; working place culture and adequate recognition contribute towards satisfaction and contentment in work. Thus an astronomically higher paying job with a demanding employer, with poor social life in a tedious workplace environment will lead to higher job dissatisfaction, which in turn will also promote higher attrition. Henceforth, it can be stated that apart from financial remuneration, which is a major determiner of a good occupation, job satisfaction is also an equally important associated factor that determines the value of a specific job.
A vast majority of our adult life
is spent
working;
hence
it is
important
that we have an appropriate
job
that
fulfils
our aspirations. While
financial
remuneration is an
important
factor
that attracts individuals towards a specific work, I disagree that it is the most significant
factor
that
makes
a
job
ideal.

Firstly
, the importance of
financial
security cannot
be undermined
in the modern materialistic world. Since a vast majority of
people
earn their livelihood from their workplace, it will be difficult for individuals with a single source of income, to
make
their ends
meet
, from underpaying
jobs
.
Thus
underpaid employees,
because
of their
financial
burdens, may not be able to offer dedication and commitment in the workplace, which in turn results in under-performance.
Secondly
, the educated refrain from
being employed
in underpaying
jobs
, as these are less attractive.
Hence
the remuneration associated, is an
important
factor
that determines the value of a particular job.

On the other hand
, to glorify higher earnings as the sole determiner of an ideal
job
is incorrect. This is
because
various other
factors
like work and life balance; working place culture and adequate recognition contribute towards satisfaction and contentment in work.
Thus
an
astronomically
higher paying
job
with a demanding employer, with poor social life in a tedious workplace environment will lead to higher
job
dissatisfaction, which in turn will
also
promote higher attrition.

Henceforth, it can
be stated
that apart from
financial
remuneration, which is a major determiner of a
good
occupation,
job
satisfaction is
also
an
equally
important
associated
factor
that determines the value of a specific
job
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay 4. The most important thing about a job is how much money you earn in that job. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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