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Do you agree or disagree? It is better to travel abroad to visit different countries when you are younger rather than when you are older. v.180

It is better to travel abroad to visit different countries when you are younger rather than when you are older. v. 180
The experience of traveling abroad and visiting various countries has become absolutely imperative in modern lifestyle. This trend prompts a controversial topic of whether it is more suitable for travel enthusiastic individuals to fit this habit into their lifestyle when they are at younger ages or postpone it for later stages of their life. I subscribe to the idea that traveling abroad is more proper for youngsters since they possess the prerequisites of taking the most out of a joyful trip. First and foremost, young people are relatively in a better state of mind to enjoy an adventurous trip to other countries. Due to the fact that youth is often a less demanding period of life with fewer responsibilities to shoulder, youngsters are able to freely enjoy every piece of brand new experiences presenting in a different country. In my recent travel to Thailand, for instance, I was considerably more motivated and attracted to Buddhism culture rather than my parents. The temples and religious rituals provided a phenomenal experience for me which I would remember for the rest of my life. Secondly, physical condition the younger travelers possess is a key factor in achieving noticeable experiences during visiting a new country. Comparing to elderlies, exploring an unseen natural site and camping out is clearly less physically challenging for young individuals. Therefore, it enables them to utilize their time and energy in the fullest possible way. Finally, by way of my thinking, traveling abroad can positively modify the youngsters’ perspective of life. Get in touch with numerous cultural diversities and observing different lifestyles can ultimately develop the characteristics of young travelers as well as their mindset and points of view. To exemplify, the first time that I visit Dubai was really a turning point in my life. Being in a modern and well-developed city made me decide to pursue an engineering career in order to migrate to a more modern country. Taken together, I firmly hold the view that traveling abroad and visiting different countries is more suitable for younger individuals since they can easily enjoy the trip and takes the most out of it.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of traveling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
and visiting various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has become
absolutely
imperative in modern lifestyle. This trend prompts a controversial topic of whether it is more suitable for travel enthusiastic individuals to fit this habit into their lifestyle when they are at younger ages or postpone it for later stages of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I subscribe to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that traveling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is more proper for youngsters since they possess the prerequisites of taking the most out of a joyful trip.

First
and foremost, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
relatively
in a better state of mind to enjoy an adventurous trip to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Due to the fact that youth is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a less demanding period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with fewer responsibilities to shoulder, youngsters are able to
freely
enjoy every piece of
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
presenting in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In my recent travel to Thailand,
for instance
, I was
considerably
more motivated and attracted to Buddhism culture
rather
than my parents. The temples and religious rituals provided a phenomenal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
for me which I would remember for the rest of my life.

Secondly
, physical condition the younger travelers possess is a key factor in achieving noticeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
during visiting a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Comparing to
Possible spelling mistake found.
elderlies
, exploring an unseen natural site and camping out is
clearly
less
physically
challenging for young individuals.
Therefore
, it enables them to utilize their time and energy in the fullest possible way.

Finally
, by way of my thinking, traveling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
can
positively
modify the youngsters’ perspective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Get
in touch with numerous cultural diversities and observing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lifestyles can
ultimately
develop the characteristics of young travelers
as well
as their mindset and points of view. To exemplify, the
first
time that I visit Dubai was
really
a turning point in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Being in a modern and well-developed city made me decide to pursue an engineering career in order to migrate to a more modern country.

Taken together, I
firmly
hold the view that traveling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
and visiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is more suitable for younger individuals since they can
easily
enjoy the trip and takes the most out of it.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better to travel abroad to visit different countries when you are younger rather than when you are older. v. 180

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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