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ome young people have free time in the evenings after school or on days off from school. Which of thefollowing activities would be most beneficial for young people (ages 14-18) to do in their spare time? Why? - Gaining practical work experience either at a v.2

ome young people have free time in the evenings after school or on days off from school. Which of thefollowing activities would be most beneficial for young people (ages 14-18) to do in their spare time? Why? - Gaining practical work experience either at a v. 2
There are some moot points about which activities are most beneficial for young children to do in leisure time. The question of the best activities to do in spare time has aroused as a subject of controversy among academicians. When it comes to my position, I strongly subscribe to the point that the best choice is gaining practical work as a part-time job or volunteer in a community. I have some reasons two of which will be explicated hereunder. The first reason worth discussing here is that today' s due to the economic situation, there are not various job opportunities, therefore, individuals with a good resume and work experiences have a great priority to choose for an open position. Consequently, young people who gain practical work as part-time jobs have a great opportunity for carriers. As a case to the point, I vividly remember, two years ago I searched for a new job, as a result, I sent my cv to various corporations. One of them called me and scheduled an interview for me. After that interview with the boss of that company told me that one of the significant requirement for choosing in that job is a work experience in that field. My personal example competently corroborates to the point that practical works are important for young kids to gain the best job in the future. By the same token, another reason to be mentioned here is that juveniles with 15-18 years old should choose the best major for their education thus, part-time job in a spare time help them to acquaint with various carriers and it has many advantages for selecting the major field of study. My personal experience demonstrates this reality when I was a high school student my father decided to send me to his friend companies for summer vacations. I went to that firms which worked in a civil engineering field. The corollary of this activity gives rise to I could familiar very well with that field and choose that field for my major because I realized that I had a common interest in civil engineering work. My personal example shed some light to the point that practical part-time job will help kids to the choice best field of study in the future. To wrap it up, according to the aforementioned reasons, the best choice for kids leisure times is selecting a practical work as a part-time job because not only making a momentous work experience but also help to choose a precious major field of study.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
moot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
about which activities are most beneficial for young children to do in leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The question of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
activities to do in spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has aroused as a subject of controversy among academicians. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to my position, I
strongly
subscribe to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
choice is gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or volunteer in a community. I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
two of which will
be explicated
hereunder.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
worth discussing here is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s due to the economic situation, there are not various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities,
therefore
, individuals with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
resume and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
have a great priority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
for an open position.
Consequently
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have a great opportunity for carriers. As a case to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
, I
vividly
remember, two years ago I searched for a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
as a result
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
my
Possible spelling mistake found.
cv
to various corporations. One of them called me and scheduled an interview for me. After that interview with the boss of that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that one of the significant requirement for choosing in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. My personal example
competently
corroborates to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
works are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for young kids to gain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the future.

By the same token, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to
be mentioned
Did you mean "here are that juveniles"?
here is that juveniles
with 15-18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
for their education
thus
, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in a spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to acquaint with various carriers and it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for selecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of study. My personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
demonstrates this reality when I was a high school student my father decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me to his friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
for summer vacations. I went to that firms which worked in a civil engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. The corollary of this activity gives rise to I
The word 'familiar' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
could familiar
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well with that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I realized that I had a common interest in civil engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. My personal example shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
kids to the choice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of study in the future.

To wrap it up, according to the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
choice for kids leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
is selecting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
making a momentous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
a precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of study.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
59Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay ome young people have free time in the evenings after school or on days off from school. Which of thefollowing activities would be most beneficial for young people (ages 14-18) to do in their spare time? Why? - Gaining practical work experience either at a v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
422 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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