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Do you agree or disagree? It is better to travel abroad to visit different countries when you are younger rather than when you are older. v.75

It is better to travel abroad to visit different countries when you are younger rather than when you are older. v. 75
It is true that commentators have different discussions about the importance of further study after graduating from high school. Some people assent to the idea that having a higher educational level is included as a part of a successful career path, whereas others believe that working right after school is a better option. There are many reasons to demonstrate that continuing to study at a university or college is the best way to guarantee a successful career. Firstly, further education provides students with a sufficient amount of major knowledge and skills, which most employers expect these days. To demonstrate, hardly can a person work properly in such a field with high requirements as information technology or medical without education. Secondly, having a degree is an advantage that an applicant may have in the increasingly competitive job market. In Vietnam, for example, those who graduate with a finance or engineering degree easily get a top job and are highly paid. On the other hand, working right after graduation is beneficial in some ways. First, by working instantly, youngsters can earn money as soon as possible, which enables them to live independently on their own income. It is also common knowledge that being a part of labour market earlier leads to more maturity. Furthermore, people who choose to get a job instead of pursuing higher education are likely to progress rapidly in their chosen field. This probably helps them obtain working experience and skills in their profession. In conclusion, it seems evident that both working right after high school and continuing higher-level studies have their own unique advantages.
It is true that commentators have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
discussions about the importance of
further
study after graduating from high school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assent to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that having a higher educational level
is included
as a part of a successful career path, whereas others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
right after school is a better option.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to demonstrate that continuing to study at a university or college is the best way to guarantee a successful career.
Firstly
,
further
education provides students with a sufficient amount of major knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which most employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
these days. To demonstrate, hardly can a person work
properly
in such a field with high requirements as information technology or medical without education.
Secondly
, having a degree is an advantage that an applicant may have in the
increasingly
competitive job market. In Vietnam,
for example
, those who graduate with a finance or engineering degree
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a top job and are
highly
paid.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
right after graduation is beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.
First
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
instantly
, youngsters can earn money as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible, which enables them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
income. It is
also
common knowledge that being a part of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market earlier leads to more maturity.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job
instead
of pursuing higher education are likely to progress
rapidly
in their chosen field. This
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in their profession.

In conclusion
, it seems evident that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
right after high school and continuing higher-level studies have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique advantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better to travel abroad to visit different countries when you are younger rather than when you are older. v. 75

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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