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In any society, the contributions of scientists and engineers are most important than the contributions of artists and writers. v.2

In any society, the contributions of scientists and engineers are most important than the contributions of artists and writers. v. 2
Both artists and writers and scientists and engineers play their important role to society. Even though some people do not agree that artists and writers are as important as scientists and engineers there are others who believe that artists and writers may do very important accomplishments for community. Scientists and engineers develop important sort of technologies. With their creation it is possible to communicate with people from different countries. One example of this is the invention of computers. We are able to talk to foreigners and receive the feedback instantaneously. Another example is the construction of rockets. With these is possible to travel to moon and even the mars planet. On the other hand, artists and writers did crucial contributions to the world. Writers develop ways of communication. As we can see currently we have many kinds of languages. Some speak English, French and German. Others speak Italian, Greek and so on. Without writers we would not be able to communicate to each other. One big attained goal was the use of the writing system, which has happened centuries ago. From that period and arriving nowadays, we have been facing many changes in writing. Furthermore, the same is valid for artists. They have been doing significant discoveries. Among them is the music. It is one the biggest option of entertainment and it is used by everybody. Besides, it is said that music helps persons to develop many skills. One of them is the ability to deal with numbers very fast. This explains why children by the age of seven when exposed to music they become good at math. Artists have been creating the system of painting in 3-D. We can see in the Louvre’s museum the Monalisa’s portrayed painted by Leonardo da Vinci. It was a great accomplish for the humanity because nowadays we have digital cameras and even copy machine 3-D. Finally, we cannot say that just because the world currently is surrounded by technology that artists and writers are not that important. Everyone plays a crucial role in society. And when we get together every discoveries, we may see the world nowadays. A world where we have technology, languages and entertainment.
Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writers
and scientists and engineers play their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role to society.
Even though
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
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artists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writers
are as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as scientists and engineers there are others who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writers
may do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
accomplishments for community.

Scientists and engineers develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
sort of technologies. With their creation it is possible to communicate with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries. One example of this is the invention of computers. We are able to talk to foreigners and receive the feedback
instantaneously
. Another example is the construction of rockets. With
The verb 'is' is singular. Did you mean: "This is" or "these am", "these are", "these aren"?
these is
possible to travel to moon and even the
The planet and the god are written with uppercase. 'mars' refers to the verb 'mar' meaning to spoil, or the plural of the noun 'mar' meaning blemishes.
mars
planet.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writers
did crucial contributions to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Writers
develop ways of communication.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
currently
we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of languages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
speak English, French and German. Others speak Italian, Greek and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Without
The comma is probably missing here: "writers, we".
writers we
would not be able to communicate to each
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other
. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
attained goal was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the writing system, which has happened centuries ago. From that period and arriving nowadays, we have been facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in writing.

Furthermore
, the same is valid for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. They have been doing significant discoveries. Among them is the music. It is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the biggest option of entertainment and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by everybody.
Besides
, it
is said
that music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
persons to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. One of them is the ability to deal with numbers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why children by the age of seven when exposed to music they become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at math.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artists
have been creating the system of painting in 3-D. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in the Louvre’s museum the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Monalisa
’s portrayed painted by Leonardo da Vinci. It was a great accomplish for the humanity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays we have digital cameras and even copy machine 3-D.

Finally
, we cannot say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
currently
is surrounded
by technology that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writers
are not that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. Everyone plays a crucial role in society. And when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "discovery"?
discoveries
, we may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
nowadays. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
where we have technology, languages and entertainment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In any society, the contributions of scientists and engineers are most important than the contributions of artists and writers. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
363 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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