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Do you agree or disagree with this statement? In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. v.20

In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. v. 20
Nowadays, it is crystal clear that the young people can better decision making about their life than it was in the past. In this regard, there are different sectors that pave the way of the young people in the future. To this end, some people believe that youth are better capable to make a decision about their own life without their parents, while other people do not believe so. As far as I am concerned, today' s, verity and diversity in some aspects of the lifestyle led to able children to making decision independent. In the following paragraph, I will delve into the most outstanding reasons. First, in the modern world, advanced technology has dramatically revolutionized all aspects of an individual’s life, among of them young people is the most important parts of this challenge. To put in other words, invent new devices and electrical tools such as computers and smartphones are the base of human life and people can learn a lot of things by using these devices. For example, I remember when I was a student university at one of the best university in our country, University of Tehran, I wanted to select the professional field of my study. In this regard, the internet, social networks, and academic news were really helpful in my decision to elevate selection performance. Now, I am a successful person in my job and I have a high academic position. As a result, if I had not used a computer and high tech devices, I would not be able to reach this level. Second, improving and increasing the communications between people led to enhance the quality of decision in youth life. To do so, people can consult with expert persons in every field. For instance, I remember when I was a student university I wanted to begin a new job in the novel area of mechanical engineering science. Therefore, I have done a lot of researches to find the best solution. After a lot of attempts, I succeed to link with one of the famous professors in this area and he has helped me to improve my idea. Now, I have a huge company that related to my novel idea. In fact, if I had not accessed to international communication, I would not be capable to establish my company. In conclusion, apart from what was mentioned above, there are several reasons for which I subscribe to the idea it is better for young people to make the decision by themselves to pave the way of future success. Thus, not only new technologies and social network but also the international relationship between people can improve the success opportunity through young people.
Nowadays, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can better
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than it was in the past. In this regard, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors that pave the way of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the future. To this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that youth are better capable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without their parents, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. As far as I
am concerned
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s, verity and diversity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects of the lifestyle led
Did you mean "to be able"?
to able
children to making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
independent. In the following paragraph, I will delve into the most outstanding reasons.

First
, in the modern world, advanced technology has
dramatically
revolutionized all aspects of an individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, among of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
parts of this challenge. To put
in other words
, invent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
devices and electrical tools such as computers and smartphones are the base of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things by using these devices.
For example
, I remember when I was a student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
at one of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in our country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Tehran, I wanted to select the professional field of my study. In this regard, the internet, social networks, and academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
were
really
helpful in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
to elevate selection performance.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I am a successful person in my job and I have a high academic position.
As a result
, if I had not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
a computer and high tech devices, I would not be able to reach this level.

Second, improving and increasing the communications between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
led to enhance the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
in youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. To do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can consult with expert persons in every field.
For instance
, I remember when I was a student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
I wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
job in the novel area of mechanical engineering science.
Therefore
, I have done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
researches to find the best solution. After
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
attempts, I succeed to link with one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
professors in this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
area and
he has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I have a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that related to my novel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. In fact, if I had not accessed to international communication, I would not be capable to establish my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, apart from what
was mentioned
above, there are several reasons for which I subscribe to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
by themselves to pave the way of future success.
Thus
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies and social network
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the international relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the success opportunity through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
447 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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