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Do you agree or disagree? The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. v.173

The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. v. 173
Thought history, it is crystal clear that select the best way to reach success has been a vital point in the human being life. In this regard, young people is one of the most important groups to find great persons for imitating the character and personality in their life. As far as I am concerned, the opinions of celebrities and famous persons are really considerable for young people. In the following paragraph, I will delve into the most outstanding reasons. First, famous persons such as athletes and casts have many fantastic characters for young people because of the lifestyle of many celebrities are dramatically luxury and spectacular view. Obviously, young people and children imitate these persons and imagine their successes based on celebrates’ life. For example, I remember when I was a university student at one of the best university in our country, the University of Tehran, one of my professors had a fantastic character. To do so, I really eager to copy all the important characters and his opinions to assign my life. Now, I am a great personality and position in society. Thus, if I had not selected my professor as my lifestyle pattern, I would not be able to be a successful person. Second, as a matter of fact, celebrates and famous persons are really good planer and they have an important role in society that people usually want to have the same personality. To put in other words, the life of the famous persons are full of wealth and facilities. To this end, young people and children want to gain the best condition in their life. For instance, again, I remember when I was a student I have a rich professor and he had a huge company. To do so, I decided to copy his lifestyle. Now, I have a tremendous company and I am a rich person. As a result, if I had not used to a good copy of my personal life, I would not be able to reach a lot of money. In conclusion, apart from what was mention above, several reasons subscribe to the idea that the opinions of famous persons are more important to younger people. Thus, not only characteristics but also the lifestyle of celebrities and famous persons have a key role in young people.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Thought
history, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that select the best way to reach success has been a vital point in the human being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In this regard,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
one of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
groups to find great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
for imitating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
and personality in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. As far as I
am concerned
, the opinions of celebrities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
are
really
considerable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In the following paragraph, I will delve into the most outstanding reasons.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
such as athletes and casts have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fantastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
celebrities are
dramatically
luxury and spectacular view.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and children imitate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
and imagine their successes based on celebrates’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, I remember when I was a university student at one of the best university in our country, the University of Tehran, one of my professors had a fantastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
. To do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I
really
eager to copy all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
and his opinions to assign my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I am a great personality and position in society.
Thus
, if I had not selected my professor as my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
pattern, I would not be able to be a successful person.

Second, as a matter of fact, celebrates and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
are
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
planer and
they have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in society that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
want to have the same personality. To put
in other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
are full of wealth and facilities. To this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and children want to gain the best condition in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, again, I remember when I was a student I have a rich
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
professor and
he had a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. To do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I decided to copy his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I have a tremendous
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
company and
I am a rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
As a result
, if I had not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
copy of my personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I would not be able to reach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.

In conclusion
, apart from what was mention above, several reasons subscribe to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the opinions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Thus
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
characteristics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of celebrities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
have a key role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. v. 173

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
385 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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