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Do you agree or disagree? Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. v.170

Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. v. 170
Nowadays, it is crystal clear that the government’s investment in different sectors of society and economics play a key role in the nation' s welfare and prosperity. In this regard, some people believe that governments should spend more money in support of the arts, while others do not believe so. As far as I am concerned, governments should allocate more money for athletics and sports. In the following paragraph, I will delve into the most outstanding reasons. First, in the modern era, one of the most critical factors in the human' s life is a healthy and balanced body, which governmental supports play a vital role in this situation. To put it in other words, governments with investment in different sections of the society such as sports and creating some building structures can improve social health. For example, I remember when I was a university student at one of the best university in our country, University of Tehran, our university had a huge and fantastic hall for playing volleyball game, since the government supports and budget just allocated to our university. Thus, I decided to participate in the volleyball team of the university. After a while, I can enhance my health and quit smoking. As a result, if the government had not allocated some grants for building the hall, I would not be able to empower my health. Second, in today' s world, there are several reasons in the human’s being life to have not enough free time and they should assign more time for mental health and relaxation for stress relief, which governments can help people to have a fantastic time alongside their family. To be more specific, governmental policies to creation some places such as parks, swimming pools, and enjoyment places can increase the mental health in society. For instance, once when I was a university student I had a huge engineering project and my schedule was jammed. Thus, I had a lot of boring works and I was extremely angered for this condition. Therefore, I decided to go to the park with my friends and I had a lot of fun time to hang out with my friends, which makes me feel better about myself. After too many attempts, the project was done as well as I established a tremendous company based on the project and I have been a successful person now. In fact, had the government not allocate some budget for building the parks, I would not be capable of a successful person now. In conclusion, apart from what was mentioned above, there are several other reasons for which I subscribe to the idea that government should spend more money to support the sports. Thus, not only does it help people to enrich physical health, but also it enhances the mental health of society.
Nowadays, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
investment in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and economics play a key role in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
nation&
#039; s welfare and prosperity. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should spend more money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
of the arts, while others do not believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. As far as I
am concerned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should allocate more money for athletics and sports. In the following paragraph, I will delve into the most outstanding reasons.

First
, in the modern era, one of the most critical factors in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s life is a healthy and balanced body, which governmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supports
play a vital role in this situation. To put it
in other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
with investment in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sections of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
such as sports and creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
building structures can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For example
, I remember when I was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
student at one of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in our country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Tehran, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
had a huge and fantastic hall for playing volleyball game, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supports
and budget
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
allocated to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Thus
, I decided to participate in the volleyball team of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. After a while, I can enhance my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and quit smoking.
As a result
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
had not allocated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
grants for building the hall, I would not be able to empower my health.

Second, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world, there are several reasons in the human’s being life to have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
free
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they should assign more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and relaxation for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
relief, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have a fantastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
alongside their family. To be more specific, governmental policies to creation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places such as parks, swimming pools, and enjoyment places can increase the mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For instance
, once when I was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
student I had a huge engineering project and my schedule
was jammed
.
Thus
, I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
boring
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
works and
I was
extremely
angered for this condition.
Therefore
, I decided to go to the park with my friends and I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to hang out with my friends, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me feel better about myself. After too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
attempts, the project
was done
as well
as I established a tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
based on the project and I have been a successful person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. In fact, had the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
not allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
budget for building the parks, I would not be capable of a successful person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

In conclusion
, apart from what
was mentioned
above, there are several other reasons for which I subscribe to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend more money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
the sports.
Thus
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to enrich physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it enhances the mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. v. 170

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
469 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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