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The government wants to make investment to improve education. Which one of the following investments do you think is the best? 1. to hire more teachers to teach in a small class2. preschool education before kindergarten3. to provide some training courses s v.1

The government wants to make investment to improve education. Which one of the following investments do you think is the best? 1. to hire more teachers to teach in a small class2. preschool education before kindergarten3. to provide some training courses s v. 1
In our modern society, sports athletes are treated like professional models and they often advertise sports products. However, although products that are advertised by the famous athletes sell well and that can be a motivation to start the sports for the public, I do not believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, it is undeniable that sports players are usually treated as a hero for teenagers and many of them hope to use what the professional athletes use. Consequently, the items that were advertised by the popular professional sports athletes make more profits, which is more lucrative both for the sports companies and the players. Moreover, the advertisement with the sports professionals is genuinely appealing, as a result, it can be a good motivation for the public to start playing sports. Spikes that were advertised by the most well-known football player names Christiano Ronald, for instance, triggered many young boys in Europe to play football. Giving a motivation to play sports can also play a part in solving the obesity issue among people in developing countries. However, despite the upsides of sports figures advertising the products, I still believe that the negatives outweigh those positives. Firstly, most of the sports companies that use sports athletes as advertisement are said to spend more money to hire the player than improving their products. In fact, employing a professional athlete usually costs a fortune and they tend to lack money to make better products or releasing new items. Worse than that, they even miss the security tests that are mandatory to protect customers from injuries. Likewise, another concern is that the product may become more expensive to compensate the salary of the celebrities. Once the shorts that were advertised by a famous person like David Becham, the good actually became a brand, as a result, it is no longer affordable for lay people. To sum up, although popular athletes help companies to make more profits and they can motivate the public to start sports for health, the products often become a luxury stuff and no longer achievable for young athletes who poorly enjoy playing sports. Therefore, I do not believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
In our modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are treated
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
models and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
advertise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
However
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertised
by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
sell well and that can be a motivation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for the public, I do not believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are
usually
treated as a hero for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them hope to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Consequently
, the items that were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertised
by the popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more profits, which is more lucrative both for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
.
Moreover
, the advertisement with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
is
genuinely
appealing,
as a result
, it can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
motivation for the public to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Spikes that were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertised
by the most well-known football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
names
Possible spelling mistake found.
Christiano
Ronald,
for instance
, triggered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young boys in Europe to play football. Giving a motivation to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
also
play a part in solving the obesity issue among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.

However
, despite the upsides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
figures advertising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, I
still
believe that the negatives outweigh those positives.
Firstly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
as advertisement
are said
to spend more money to hire the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
than improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. In fact, employing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
usually
costs a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fortune and
they tend to lack money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or releasing new items. Worse than that, they even miss the security
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
that are mandatory to protect customers from injuries.
Likewise
, another concern is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
may become more expensive to compensate the salary of the celebrities. Once the shorts that were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertised
by a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person like David
Possible spelling mistake found.
Becham
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
actually became a brand,
as a result
, it is no longer affordable for lay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To sum up, although popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
profits and
they can motivate the public to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for health, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
become a luxury stuff and no longer achievable for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
who
poorly
enjoy playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Therefore
, I do not believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The government wants to make investment to improve education. Which one of the following investments do you think is the best? 1. to hire more teachers to teach in a small class2. preschool education before kindergarten3. to provide some training courses s v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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