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do you agree or disagree? children should spend most of their time on studying and playing and they shouldn't be required to help family with household chores, such as cleaning and cooking. v.103

children should spend most of their time on studying and playing and they shouldn't be required to help family with household chores, such as cleaning and cooking. v. 103
dom inclined to refute this suggestion. In my perspective, the advantages that these types of activities bring to children will appear in their current and future life. My arguments and reasons are listed below which will strengthen my point of view: To begin with, it is axiomatic that children will have enough time in the future for learning inner task in the house; however the first advantage of doing household chores is that the children learn to schedule their time and duties. But how? There are the families who divide the labors of house among the members of family. In such regular families, children have a chance to reinforce their management skill. Children need to handle their daily program include the studying, playing and going to out and list goes on. The second reason why I refute this idea lies in the fact that such activities probably seem to be miscellaneous and useless; however they are analogous powerful tools in improving children' s personality. When the parents require children to do several tasks related with house, in fact they show a reliance feeling to their children and the self-confidence feeling in children will be encouraged. For instance, when I was a kid, my mother was a nurse and I was forced to do some tasks in our home; as a result I could obtain an incredible feeling in the school compared with my classmates because I was trying to help them in necessary circumstances. Moreover, there is a bit of different point here. After doing these types of activities, this opportunity will be created for children to gain new experiences because cooking, cleaning or sweeping can set children under pressure; consequently an interdependent person will be revealed. By taking all above mentioned arguments, this conclusion could be drawn that on the one hand the house chores can cause children to acquire self-confidence and diverse experiences in their life; on the other hand they will be able to improve children’s potential planning.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
dom
inclined to refute this suggestion. In my perspective, the advantages that these types of activities bring to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will appear in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
and future life. My arguments and reasons
are listed
below which will strengthen my point of view:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is axiomatic that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time in the future for learning inner task in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
;
however
the
first
advantage of doing household chores is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn to schedule their time and duties.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
how? There are the families who divide the labors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
among the members of family. In such regular families,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a chance to reinforce their management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
need to handle their daily program include the studying, playing and going to out and list goes on.

The second reason why I refute this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
lies in the fact that such activities
probably
seem to be miscellaneous and useless;
however
they are analogous powerful tools in improving
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s personality. When the parents require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do several tasks related with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, in fact they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a reliance feeling to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the self-confidence feeling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
be encouraged
.
For instance
, when I was a kid, my mother was a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nurse and
I
was forced
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tasks in our home;
as a result
I could obtain an incredible feeling in the school compared with my classmates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I was trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in necessary circumstances.

Moreover
, there is a bit of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point here. After doing these types of activities, this opportunity will
be created
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to gain new experiences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
cooking, cleaning or sweeping can set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under pressure;
consequently
an interdependent person will
be revealed
.

By taking all above mentioned arguments, this conclusion could
be drawn
that on the one hand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
chores can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to acquire self-confidence and diverse experiences in their life;
on the other hand
they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
potential planning.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay children should spend most of their time on studying and playing and they shouldn't be required to help family with household chores, such as cleaning and cooking. v. 103

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
331 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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