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Do you agree or dis agree that children should spend more time in studying or playing rather than spending their time helping their families in day to day house hold chores. support with the reasons. v.1

Do you agree or dis agree that children should spend more time in studying or playing rather than spending their time helping their families in day to day house hold chores. support with the reasons. v. 1
Although it is believed by several people that studying chronicles is one of the most significant subjects in school, others consider it differently by thinking that Science and Technology subjects are more crucial. Each subject has its own benefits, however, in my opinion, it is better for students to have knowledge in technologies nowadays. Further information about their advantages and the supporting reasons for my thoughts will be given in the essay. To begin with, it can be seen that History has quite a few favourable aspects. The first and most noticeable one is undergraduates are able to recall the past events and the accomplishments of predecessors; for instance, in Thailand these days, students generally study about famous people who won a war and brought in benefits to Thai people. As a consequence of this, adolescents can appreciate them as their role models, know their goodnesses and adapt them to their daily lives. Another benefit is the inaccuracies that occurred probably will not happen again due to the recognitions about what might possibly lead to the disastrous of the country the students have acquired. Despite the fewer benefits historical subject has, there are numerous positives of having Science and Technology in the curriculum. One of the significant advantages is students may enhance their computer skills which can be useful in the upcoming decades, as well as the present era because improved technologies have been invented. Consequently, they might be able to adapt their knowledges to their future careers, which may require the comprehension of software. Not only this, but also the augmentation in job opportunities because not knowing how doing primary troubleshooting can be a detrimental effect for candidates. With more specificity, computer specialists have a larger percentages of employment, as a result of abundant requirements in the 21st century. In conclusion, in today’s world, it is more beneficial to include similar subjects to Science and Technology in the syllabus instead of History. In my opinion, students should decide to study more about technologies and the government should collaborate together with the school to adjust and enhance the education system.
Although it
is believed
by several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that studying chronicles is one of the most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in school, others consider it
differently
by thinking that Science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are more crucial. Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
,
however
, in my opinion, it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have knowledge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
nowadays.
Further
information about their advantages and the supporting reasons for my thoughts will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that History has quite a few
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
aspects. The
first
and most noticeable one is undergraduates are able to recall the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and the accomplishments of predecessors;
for instance
, in Thailand these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
generally
study about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who won a war and brought in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
to Thai
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. As a consequence of this, adolescents can appreciate them as their role models, know their
Possible spelling mistake found.
goodnesses
and adapt them to their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
is the inaccuracies that occurred
probably
will not happen again due to the recognitions about what might
possibly
lead to
The phrase 'the disastrous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the disastrous of
the country the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have acquired.

Despite the fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
has, there are numerous positives of having Science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
in the curriculum. One of the significant advantages is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may enhance their computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which can be useful in the upcoming decades,
as well
as the present era
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have
been invented
.
Consequently
, they might be able to adapt their
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
to their future careers, which may require the comprehension of software. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the augmentation in job opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not knowing how doing primary troubleshooting can be a detrimental effect for candidates. With more specificity, computer specialists have a larger percentages of employment,
as a result
of abundant requirements in the 21st century.

In conclusion
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, it is more beneficial to include similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to Science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
in the syllabus
instead
of History. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should decide to study more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should collaborate together with the school to adjust and enhance the education system.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Do you agree or dis agree that children should spend more time in studying or playing rather than spending their time helping their families in day to day house hold chores. support with the reasons. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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