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Do you agree or dis agree that children should spend more time in studying or playing rather than spending their time helping their families in day to day house hold chores. support with the reasons. v.2

Do you agree or dis agree that children should spend more time in studying or playing rather than spending their time helping their families in day to day house hold chores. support with the reasons. v. 2
Children are like clay after giving a shape they form in that shape. So as on the basis, childhood is very important age of the life to make their future. For that most of the people think that studying and playing is important, in contrast other thinks household chores are important. this would be the grate debt. In my point of view i would like to support to give more attention for playing and studying rather than help in house hold chores. My reasons to agree the sentence are as follows. First of all I would like to say that studying and playing is most important part in the childhood life. These make children career strong. But household work is also important to make them responsible. Children should be more focused on the studying and playing. Because somethings should be happen in certain age. Person can learn household chores in any age, but studying and playing can only be learned in childhood. Secondly, studying and playing can make children future career. If children spend excessive time in household time they could not give required time for the important things. In my point of view children should do house hold chores in the extra time after completing major work. In the end, household chores is also important as studying and playing, but with respect to the time, we should know what is necessity to the children.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are like clay after giving a shape they form in that shape.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
as on the basis, childhood is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
age of the life to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their future. For that most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
,
in contrast
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
would be the grate debt. In my point of view
Did you mean "I"?
i
would like to support to give more attention for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
hold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
. My reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the sentence are as follows.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
I would like to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
part in the childhood life. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
career strong.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
work is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them responsible.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should be more focused on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
somethings should be
Consider using the past participle "happened"?
happen
in certain age. Person can learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
in any age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be learned
in childhood.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
future career. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they could not give required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
things. In my point of view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
hold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
in the extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after completing major work.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with respect to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, we should know what is necessity to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you agree or dis agree that children should spend more time in studying or playing rather than spending their time helping their families in day to day house hold chores. support with the reasons. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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