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It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. v.2

It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. v. 2
Nowadays, in the world a lot of events are happening and plenty of them never affect our daily life. The news reporters and journalists effort to show these events vital, but is it important to people to know about these events happening around the world or not? I rather disagree with the statement. First, today people are busy and they have no time to spend their little time for knowing all or even part of events of the world. The amount of these events are huge and lots of them are not important to people. In the modern life people have to work hard to providing the requirements of their life and they are not able to waste their free time to knowing about news of the world. For example in my country the most important thing for persons in the life is preparing a good life for their family and spending time with family or friends. Thus, it is not important to people to know about events happening in the world. Second, the most of news around the world are about bad events such as wars, natural disasters, accidents, conflicts of countries and political issues and they make life boring and tragic. It might be true that people can get a lot of experiences and be aware with watching these news but the events of the world is not usefulness for people and that is only gathering massive amount of information which are contain bad and painful news. Knowing these news only makes people sad and depress so there is no importance for hearing them. In this complex life people are not interested in the news and the time of parade of newspapers passed over. People do not trust to news resources and sites and this is another reason that people think knowing about events happening around the world is not important for them. To put it in a nutshell, people now are aware which things have benefit for them and they learned to live super-efficient to having a good and pleasure life knowing about news of the world is not preference to them. Touchable events could be more important for people not knowing about them.
Nowadays, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of them never affect our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
reporters and journalists effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
vital,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know about these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
or not? I
rather
disagree with the statement.

First
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
busy and
they have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
all or even part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. The amount of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are huge and lots of them are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to providing the requirements of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they are not able to waste their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
For example
in my country the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing for persons in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is preparing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for their family and spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family or friends.
Thus
, it is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
in the world.

Second, the most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
are about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as wars, natural disasters, accidents, conflicts of countries and political
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
issues and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
boring and tragic. It might be true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experiences and be aware with watching these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is not usefulness for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gathering massive amount of information which are
Consider using a past participle here: "contained".
contain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and painful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Knowing
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sad and depress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is no importance for hearing them. In this complex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not interested in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of parade of newspapers passed over.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not trust to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
resources and sites and this is another reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for them.

To put it in a nutshell,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are aware which things have benefit for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they learned to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
super-efficient to having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and pleasure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is not preference to them. Touchable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
about them.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
69Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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