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Children should be helping with chores in the house as soon as they are able to do so. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Include details and examples in your explanation. v.1

Children should be helping with chores in the house as soon as they are able to do so. Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1
In current Society, playing video games with offensive contents has become more and more prevalent among people, especially children. A majority of individuals believe that there is a direct correlation between embracing violent computer games and the higher rate of crime in megacities. I profoundly disagree with this assertion discussing spreading violent games can leave an adverse effect on expanding offences; however, there are a large number of crucial factors involved in this controversial issue that should not be discounted. Poverty, first of all, had become a significant problem in metropolitans. In fact, poverty and crime are closely intertwined; moreover, a large number of people living in slum areas, committing the offence for the wrong conditions and hardship that they have had throughout their lives. A survey conducted by MIT University revealed that a massive number of severe and petty crimes are caused by people living in the beneath of the poverty line. Besides, not only can poverty leave the detrimental effects on offences, but also it can promote people to engage in criminal activities, such as robbery and murder. Therefore, poverty, especially in impoverished areas, can be taken into account as a critical factor for perpetrating crimes. Also, it is universally accepted that with the population explosion, the rate of unemployment has increased dramatically. Since the cost of living has extremely soared in the contemporary world, and a considerable number of people are made redundant due to automation and industrialization, these people are more likely to commit crimes; as a result, the rate of street crimes is increasing. Some psychologists believe that for improving crime rates, authorities should provide more occupation in societies. Finally, education, as a vital human right, plays a definite role in people's lives; moreover, the lack of sufficient knowledge about criminal acts can be harmful to both individuals and societies. The shortage of experience about the consequences of illegal actions can breed crime in Society. Therefore, the schooling of regulations and laws should consider as a priority for officials because education can act as a deterrent for committing a crime in the community. In conclusion, with the advances in technology, a large number of children prefer to play video games rather than physical activities. A massive number of people hold the view that these games encourage children to commit crimes; moreover, it is imperative children be cautious about them. Admittedly, playing computer games with inappropriate contents is as an influential factor; however, other factors should not be ignored.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
Society, playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with offensive contents has become more and more prevalent among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. A majority of individuals believe that there is a direct correlation between embracing violent computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
megacities
. I
profoundly
disagree with this assertion discussing spreading violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
an adverse effect on expanding
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
;
however
, there are a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
involved in this controversial issue that should not
be discounted
.

Poverty,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, had become a significant problem in metropolitans. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
are
closely
intertwined;
moreover
, a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in slum areas, committing the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
conditions and hardship that they have had throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. A survey conducted by MIT University revealed that a massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of severe and petty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the beneath of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
line.
Besides
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the detrimental effects on
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it can promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to engage in criminal activities, such as robbery and murder.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
,
especially
in impoverished areas, can
be taken
into account as a critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
for perpetrating crimes.

Also
, it is
universally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that with the population explosion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of unemployment has increased
dramatically
. Since the cost of living has
extremely
soared in the contemporary world, and a considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are made
redundant due to automation and industrialization, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
;
as a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is increasing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
psychologists believe that for improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
, authorities should provide more occupation in societies.

Finally
, education, as a vital human right, plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
;
moreover
, the lack of sufficient knowledge about criminal acts can be harmful to both individuals and societies. The shortage of experience about the consequences of illegal actions can breed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in Society.
Therefore
, the schooling of regulations and laws should consider as a priority for officials
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
education can act as a deterrent for committing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the community.

In conclusion
, with the advances in technology, a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer to play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than physical activities. A massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the view that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
;
moreover
, it is imperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be cautious about them.
Admittedly
, playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with inappropriate contents is as an influential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
;
however
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
21Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should be helping with chores in the house as soon as they are able to do so. Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
413 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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