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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to increase the quality of education is to increase teachers’ salaries. v.576

The best way to increase the quality of education is to increase teachers’ salaries. v. 576
Teachers are the crucial factors to increase the quality of education. Some people may state that government should give them higher salaries while other states that there are other important things they receive. In my opinion, I disagree that the best way to increase the quality of education is to increase teachers’ salaries for several reasons. First of all, some rural areas cannot afford the higher salaries for teachers. To be specific, the countryside of Taiwan has lots of kids who still need teachers. If the government decided to give teachers higher salaries, they may leave the area because the locals cannot support their salaries. Furthermore, the countryside has a favorable environment and could provide conducive learning which is one of the important factors to create quality education. Second, stable salaries are more important than higher salaries. To illustrate, teacher is a stable work because there are lots of kids need to be educate. Actually, some electric engineers and business workers have to face unstable economic and there is an increasing possibility that they will be fired with no valid reasons. Third, teachers will gain other essential things through teaching. Friendships are one of the beneficial things. For instance, I still connected with my junior high school teacher even though I was not a studious student. It is often that we exchange our life after I graduated from school. Friendship is a valuable treasure that money cannot easy to get. Definitely, some people may state that the best way to increase the quality of education is to raise teachers’ salaries. However, some students may not have the ability to pay for the teachers. The government should build a complete system of education instead of increasing teachers’ salaries. To be specific, laws of education and the fair resources from the government are the direct ways to increase the quality of education. To conclude, there is no straightforward relationship between teachers’ salaries and the quality of education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
are the crucial factors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give them higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
while other states that there are other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things they receive. In my opinion, I disagree that the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
for several reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rural areas cannot afford the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. To be specific, the countryside of Taiwan has lots of kids who
still
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
decided to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the locals cannot support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
Furthermore
, the countryside has a favorable environment and could provide conducive learning which is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
education.

Second, stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
is a stable work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are lots of kids need to be
Consider using a past participle here: "educated".
educate
. Actually,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
electric engineers and business workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face unstable economic and there is an increasing possibility that they will
be fired
with no valid reasons.

Third,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
will gain other essential things through teaching. Friendships are one of the beneficial things.
For instance
, I
still
connected with my junior high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
even though
I was not a studious student. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
that we exchange our life after I graduated from school. Friendship is a valuable treasure that money cannot easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.

Definitely,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may state that the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students may not have the ability to pay for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should build a complete system of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
instead
of increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
. To be specific, laws of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
resources from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
are the direct ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
To conclude
, there is no straightforward relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay The best way to increase the quality of education is to increase teachers’ salaries. v. 576

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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