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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important thing that governments should do to improve heath care is to clean the environment. v.390

The most important thing that governments should do to improve heath care is to clean the environment. v. 390
In last few decades, a computer becomes the most compulsory items in human day to day life, even so children to elder people are using this for a different purpose. From my knowledge, it has a negative and positive consequences which are effected for users. From my view, it has more beneficial outcomes rather than bad results. The first point, CPUs produce advantages for people who have done research or projects, then this will help to install and keep safe and secure by using PDF or any other storage. Furthermore, during the study period needs to refer information which is relevant to studies, therefore, laptops make more comfortable to present that task very easily. For instance, pupils can search some facts in online which are wanting to study, then makes as a file such as PDF and download into a folder and label as important. In addition, children addicted to PC without learning purpose by logging social media and playing online games because of that they spend more time in circular activities compare to education. Additionally, used for an illegal matter to find the quickest way to get rich without proper knowledge. For example, money printing and creating fake government documents are kind of unqualified work doing by students. However, It will create a negative outcome as a result of that fact make a bad impact on education. In conclusion, following those tasks, I believe negative impacts do not effect to the children highly. Further, I think that positive consequences are helping maintain for a successful education system.
In last few decades, a computer becomes the most compulsory items in human
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
children to elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are using this for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purpose. From my knowledge, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences which
are effected
for users. From my view, it has more beneficial outcomes
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
results.

The
first
point, CPUs produce advantages for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have done research or projects, then this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to install and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
safe and secure by using PDF or any other storage.
Furthermore
, during the study period needs to refer information which is relevant to studies,
therefore
, laptops
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more comfortable to present that task
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
.
For instance
, pupils can search
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
facts in online which
The verb 'wanting' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are wanting
to study, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
as a file such as PDF and download into a folder and label as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

In addition
, children addicted to PC without learning purpose by logging social media and playing online games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that they spend more time in circular activities compare to education.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for an illegal matter to find the quickest way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rich without proper knowledge.
For example
, money printing and creating fake
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
documents are kind of unqualified work doing by students.
However
, It will create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcome
as a result
of that fact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on education.

In conclusion
, following those tasks, I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts do not
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
to the children
highly
.
Further
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences are helping maintain for a successful education system.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The most important thing that governments should do to improve heath care is to clean the environment. v. 390

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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