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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important thing that governments should do to improve heath care is to clean the environment. v.856

The most important thing that governments should do to improve heath care is to clean the environment. v. 856
Nowadays, people are concerned about their health, and it stands to reason that health can be considered open sesame to happiness. In effort to enhance people’s health, policy makers and governments have implemented several procedures. One of the determining factors in health is finding a decent way to increase the level of health. In this regard, choosing the best strategy to follow has caused a heated debate. Some people claim that cleaning the environment is the most useful option. While others believe otherwise. The idea to which I subscribe is that there are many areas other than environment that can have positive consequences for improving health. My viewpoint is based on quite a few reasons, three conspicuous ones of which have been elaborated upon hereunder. To begin with, it is crystal clear that upgrading health facilities is of great importance, and millions of dollars spent annually to buy and equip hospitals, laboratories, and equipment, to name but a few. In fact, time is marching relentlessly, and technology is advancing in galloping rate, and every day many novel medical tools arise. In order to keep up with the changing, governments should make huge investments. Although cleaning environment is a positive step to enhance heath, it cannot solely cure diseases. Scientific evidence has shown that in well-equipped hospitals the rate of death is less than other ones. It is noteworthy that not only does investment in medical facilities bring about heath for society, but it saves money in long run as well since due to the-state-of-the-art tools, less retreatment will be required. Additionally, government should regulate industries which exert an important influence on people’s health. Governments should establish regulations for industries to decrease their pollutants. Food industries also should be regulated carefully since many dangerous diseases originate from diets. There are many published books and articles which emphasize on importance of diet on individuals’ health. By setting protective regulations, the environment will be less polluted automatically. Accordingly, far-sighted heath managers tend to do not take putting new regulations for controlling industries for granted which has a far-reaching effect on public health. Another area which deserves attention is education. As far as education is concerned, governments should instruct well-practiced doctors and nurses who are the foundation of medical programs. Medical research conducted in universities should be financially support because they can invent many solutions to cure fatal disease. To sum up, I have a penchant for the idea that improvements in other ideas than environment can be more beneficial because of aforementioned reasons. Therefore, It is highly recommended that governments and other authorities grant their unqualified support in mentioned areas, which can pave the way to healthier society.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, and it stands to reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
can
be considered
open sesame to happiness. In effort to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have implemented several procedures. One of the determining factors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is finding a decent way to increase the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In this regard, choosing the best strategy to follow has caused a heated debate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that cleaning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is the most useful option. While others believe
otherwise
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to which I subscribe is that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
that can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences for improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. My viewpoint
is based
on quite a few reasons, three conspicuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
of which have
been elaborated
upon hereunder.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that upgrading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
facilities is of great importance, and millions of dollars spent
annually
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and equip hospitals, laboratories, and equipment, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few. In fact, time is marching
relentlessly
, and technology is advancing in galloping rate, and every day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
novel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
tools arise. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the changing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
huge investments. Although cleaning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
step to enhance heath, it cannot
solely
cure diseases. Scientific evidence has shown that in well-equipped hospitals the rate of death is less than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. It is noteworthy that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
facilities bring about heath for society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it saves money in long run
as well
since due to the-state-of-the-art tools, less
Possible spelling mistake found.
retreatment
will
be required
.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should regulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
which exert an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
should establish regulations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to decrease their pollutants. Food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
also
should
be regulated
carefully
since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases originate from diets. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
published books and articles which emphasize on importance of diet on individuals’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. By setting protective regulations, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
will be less polluted
automatically
.
Accordingly
, far-sighted heath managers tend to do not take putting new regulations for controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
for granted which has a far-reaching effect on public health.

Another area which deserves attention is education. As far as education
is concerned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should instruct well-practiced doctors and nurses who are the foundation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
programs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Medical
research conducted in universities should be
financially
support
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can invent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions to cure fatal disease.

To sum up, I have a penchant for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that improvements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
can be more beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of aforementioned reasons.
Therefore
, It is
highly
recommended that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
authorities grant their unqualified support in mentioned areas, which can pave the way to healthier society.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The most important thing that governments should do to improve heath care is to clean the environment. v. 856

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
445 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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