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Do writers, musicians and other artists need to be born with special talent or is it more a matter of hard work and dedication. Support your opinion with reasons and examples. v.1

Do writers, musicians and other artists need to be born with special talent or is it more a matter of hard work and dedication. Support your opinion with reasons and examples. v. 1
Recently, there has been a heated debate as to whether animals should be kept in zoos or not. While some people believe that zoos should be closed because they promote cruelty to animals, others are of the opinion that they are beneficial in order to protect some species of animals from going into extinction. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument. In my opinion, animals should be kept in zoos so as to protect them as well as the public. A growing number of people have argued that keeping of animals in the zoos is an inhumane move. Such group of people believes that these animals also have a right to freedom, hence they should be permitted to live wherever they desire. In addition, living in the zoo not only disrupts the natural habitats of these animals, but also leads to an imbalance in our ecosystem. Take the case of turtles as an example, they are known to live in far forest, bringing them to another space may feel strange to them. However, these arguments have been countered by another group of people who are of the opinion that animals should be kept in zoos. By doing this, the endangered species of animals are preserved and such generation can continue to exist. Furthermore, keeping animals in zoos protects the public from the potential harm of these wild animals. For instance, having Lions roam about in the streets can be a life threatening commotion. Another point is that zoos serve as a source of generating income for the government as well as a means of entertainment for the public. In conclusion, this essay has examined both sides of the argument. Ultimately, although keeping animals in the zoos disrupts their natural habitat, it poses more benefits to the public and the government.
Recently, there has been a heated debate
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in zoos or not. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that zoos should
be closed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they promote cruelty to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, others are of the opinion that they are beneficial in order to protect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from going into extinction. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in zoos
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
protect them
as well
as the public.

A growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have argued that keeping of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in the zoos is an inhumane
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
. Such group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
also
have a right to freedom,
hence
they should
be permitted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
wherever they desire.
In addition
, living in the zoo not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
disrupts the natural habitats of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
leads to an imbalance in our ecosystem. Take the case of turtles as an example, they
are known
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in far forest, bringing them to another space may feel strange to them.

However
, these arguments have
been countered
by another group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in zoos. By doing this, the endangered species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are preserved
and such generation can continue to exist.
Furthermore
, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos protects the public from the potential harm of these wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For instance
, having Lions roam about in the streets can be a life threatening commotion. Another point is that zoos serve as a source of generating income for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as well
as a means of entertainment for the public.

In conclusion
, this essay has examined both sides of the argument.
Ultimately
, although keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in the zoos disrupts their natural habitat, it poses more benefits to the public and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Do writers, musicians and other artists need to be born with special talent or is it more a matter of hard work and dedication. Support your opinion with reasons and examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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