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do writers, musician and artist need to be born with special talent or its it more a matter of hard work and dedication. . . . v.1

do writers, musician and artist need to be born with special talent or its it more a matter of hard work and dedication. . . . v. 1
In many countries, parents do not allow their children to go outside during the midnight, especially if they are less than 16 years old and are not accompanied by a proper guardian. In my opinion, this is an imperative to ensure the safety of the children and to protect them from any possible harm. To begin with, most of the crimes occur at midnight, which makes it the most dangerous part of the day. Although police are patrolling the streets to prevent a crime from happening during midnight, but it is virtually impossible to stop every criminal. Thus, parents should keep their children at home, and make sure that they won't leave the house without an adult. On the other hand, it is easy for young children to expose to something that he/she should not, because their minds are still in the early stages of the personality development. For instance, most of the criminals are lurking during the midnight to find their prey, who are young teenagers, and to give them free drug samples so that they will come to them regularly because of the drug addiction. This statement proves that curfew is necessary in some parts of the world where the crime rate is high. Furthermore, parents should keep an eye on their children like a hawk for their well-being. The same rule applied in urban areas, where midnight is like an empty vast jungle and a perfect place to execute crime should be locked down. In a nutshell, there are some regions in the world that are not safe for anyone, especially children, because they can be easily targeted for criminals. If there is a situation in which children need to go during the night, then they should be accompanied by someone who can keep them safe.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, parents do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go outside during the midnight,
especially
if they are less than 16 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and are not accompanied by a proper guardian. In my opinion, this is an imperative to ensure the safety of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and to protect them from any possible harm.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
occur at midnight, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
part of the day. Although police are patrolling the streets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
from happening during midnight,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
virtually
impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
every criminal.
Thus
, parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
without an adult.

On the other hand
, it is easy for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to expose to something that he/she should not,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their minds are
still
in the early stages of the personality development.
For instance
, most of the criminals are lurking during the midnight to find their prey, who are young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, and to give them free drug samples
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to them
regularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the drug addiction. This statement proves that curfew is necessary in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is high.
Furthermore
, parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like a hawk for their well-being. The same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
applied in urban areas, where midnight is like an empty vast jungle and a perfect place to execute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
should
be locked
down.

In a nutshell, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions in the world that are not safe for anyone,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can be
easily
targeted for criminals. If there is a situation in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to go during the night, then they should
be accompanied
by someone who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them safe.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay do writers, musician and artist need to be born with special talent or its it more a matter of hard work and dedication. . . . v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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