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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reasons to support your response. Students should visit some museums, like science museums, art museums, and history museums. v.280

Use specific reasons to support your response. Students should visit some museums, like science museums, art museums, and history museums. v. 280
There are several countries around the world that promote people in teen hood should do part-time jobs while doing their education in parallel. These countries share a popular belief that, part-time jobs teach the many soft-skills and so it’s a prerequisite. Whereas other countries still have a conviction that part-time jobs are a burden to teenagers and it’s a bane. In my vision, I see part-time jobs are essential in shaping one’s adolescent life. Let’s see both the aspects. On one hand, part time jobs help the teenagers to divide their time, such that their studies as well as their working duration do not fall apart nor one affects the other. Moreover, part-time jobs give teenagers a ray of independence and hope to survive on their own instead of depending on their parents for their expenses. This gives them a sense of responsibility in handling their hard-earned money thereby, they learn better financial controls. Furthermore, it acts as a pre-cursor in building a better society, as teenagers doing part-time jobs will be minding their own tasks. That helps the level of adolescent delinquents under check. On the other hand, there are certain countries that believe part-time jobs are burdening the shoulders of school or college attending students, as they find it hard to concentrate on their studies, which in turn also invites lot many distractions. Not all part-time employments are successful, as these countries share opinions such as the teenagers’ attitude would become arrogant and grumpy soon after tasting the success of money. It further makes them to disrespect the family values and that makes them to drift away from their parents. To conclude, the society should comprehend the benefits of giving part-time jobs to youngsters as this provides them a platform to learn essential soft skills such as self-respect, discipline, teamwork, honesty and temperament. These qualities will neither be taught in any textbook nor in school. Further, the teenagers should not expect their parents to support and fulfil all of their expenses beyond a certain level. If the teenagers inculcate these skills, they will become better citizens of today and the best pillars of tomorrow.
There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
around the world that promote
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in teen hood should do part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while doing their education in parallel. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
share a popular belief that, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
teach the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
soft-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it’s a prerequisite. Whereas other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
still
have a conviction that part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are a burden to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
and it’s a bane. In my vision, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are essential in shaping one’s adolescent life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
both the aspects.

On one hand,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to divide their time, such that their studies
as well
as their working duration do not fall apart nor one affects the other.
Moreover
, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
a ray of independence and hope to survive on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
instead
of depending on their parents for their expenses. This gives them a sense of responsibility in handling their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned money thereby, they learn better financial controls.
Furthermore
, it acts as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-cursor
in building a better society, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
doing part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will be minding their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
tasks. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the level of adolescent delinquents under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
.

On the other hand
, there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that believe part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are burdening the shoulders of school or college attending students, as they find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to concentrate on their studies, which in turn
also
invites lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
distractions. Not all part-time employments are successful, as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
share opinions such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers’
attitude would become arrogant and grumpy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
after tasting the success of money. It
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to disrespect the family values and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to drift away from their parents.

To conclude
, the society should comprehend the benefits of giving part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to youngsters as this provides them a platform to learn essential soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as self-respect, discipline, teamwork, honesty and temperament. These qualities will neither
be taught
in any textbook nor in school.
Further
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
their parents to support and fulfil all of their expenses beyond a certain level. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
inculcate these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they will become better citizens of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
and the best pillars of tomorrow.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Use specific reasons to support your response. Students should visit some museums, like science museums, art museums, and history museums. v. 280

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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