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Some people think young people are suitable for learning foreign languages. Some people think adults are more suitable. Discuss both and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think young people are suitable for learning foreign languages. Some people think adults are more suitable. v. 1
While some people regard History as the most important subject in school, others consider Science and Technology to be most relevant. In my opinion, in the modern world of our, subjects such as Science and Technology plays a more important role than other subjects. On the one hand, History as a school subject is considered the most crucial by some mainly due to its connection with the past. In other words, for a Nation, having a glorious background, its relevance will only be appreciated and remembered when its history is included as a mainstream subject, otherwise, this glory will be lost if not paid serious attention at school, according to some. Another reason why some argue that History should be the main subject in school is because it allows the current generation to learn from the mistakes of their ancestors. In this way, misdeeds committed earlier are less likely to be repeated again at present as well as in the future. On the other hand, some keep Science and Technology as top priority school subjects and I agree for various reasons. One such reason is the role these logic-based practical subjects play in the economic development of an individual. This is because these subjects enable a person to acquire essential technical skills necessary to decide a carrier, and therefore, gets employed. Additionally, Science-based subjects attract attention of most students as they are more about the reasons and rarely require them to remember facts and dates, unlike History. For this reason, they can be understood easily and kept retained for a longer period of time. Such provisions are clearly absent with History which consists of tedious dates and events. In conclusion, while people may differ in their opinion, I believe with Science and Technology as school subjects are more important than its counterparts such as History.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
regard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
as the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, others consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
to be most relevant. In my opinion, in the modern world of our,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
plays a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subjects.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is considered
the most crucial by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mainly
due to its connection with the past. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, for a Nation, having a glorious background, its relevance will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be appreciated
and remembered when its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is included
as a mainstream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
,
otherwise
, this glory will
be lost
if not paid serious attention at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
should be the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation to learn from the mistakes of their ancestors. In this way, misdeeds committed earlier are less likely to be
Consider using "repeated".
repeated again
at present
as well
as in the future.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
as top priority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. One such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the role these logic-based practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
play in the economic development of an individual. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
enable a person to acquire essential technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
necessary to decide a carrier, and
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
employed.
Additionally
, Science-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
attract attention of most students as they are more about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and rarely require them to remember facts and dates, unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
. For this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, they can
be understood
easily
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
retained for a longer period of time. Such provisions are
clearly
absent with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
which consists of tedious dates and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may differ in their opinion, I believe with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than its counterparts such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think young people are suitable for learning foreign languages. Some people think adults are more suitable. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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