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Do the dangers derived from the use of chemicals in food production and preservation outweigh the advantages? v.2

Do the dangers derived from the use of chemicals in food production and preservation outweigh the advantages? v. 2
Preservatives and meal chemicals are increasingly used in the meal industry these days. However, their use is not safe and poses serious risks to human energy. There are, however, strong opponents of this view, claiming certain advantages of cuisine preservatives and chemicals that overshadow these risks. As far as I am concerned, the underlying risks and benefits must be pondered upon before coming to a firm conclusion. Use of food chemicals is on the rise despite strong health concerns from the medical authorities. One such health concern is the association of these chemicals with the rise in the incidence of various diseases. I would like to mention about the recent rise in disease cases, affecting thousands of people across the globe. The tumor Foundation has strongly rejected the use of food additives, claiming that various types of cancer including breast cancer, lung cancer, and stomach cancer have been linked to the use of such chemicals. Hence, by limiting the use of food additives, people can be saved from deadly diseases. Others, on the contrary, still favour the use of chemicals for food preservation and production due to certain benefits. Firstly, these ingredients add taste to food and make it more palatable and scrumptious. For example, ice cream and cold drinks are routinely added with these chemicals for taste enhancement. Furthermore, this practice boosts commercial activity, as more people purchase their flavoured food products out of their cravings for them. Companies such as Pepsi and Walls are a proof of this as they have demonstrated huge growth in their recent yearly sales. In conclusion, some people are still in favour of using food chemicals for preservation and production of food mainly because of reasons related to taste and financial gains for food companies. However, I am a strong opponent of this view, believing that the use of such practices should be banned as they cause harm to human health, causing various cancers.
Preservatives and meal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
are
increasingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the meal industry these days.
However
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is not safe and poses serious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
to human energy. There are,
however
, strong opponents of this view, claiming certain advantages of cuisine preservatives and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
that overshadow these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. As far as I
am concerned
, the underlying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and benefits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be pondered
upon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to a firm conclusion.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
is on the rise despite strong health concerns from the medical authorities. One such health concern is the association of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
with the rise in the incidence of various diseases. I would like to
Did you mean simply "mention the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mention about the
recent rise in disease cases, affecting thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the globe. The tumor Foundation has
strongly
rejected the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
additives, claiming that various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cancer
including breast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cancer
, lung
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cancer
, and stomach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cancer
have
been linked
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
.
Hence
, by limiting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
additives,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be saved
from deadly diseases.

Others,
on the contrary
,
still
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
preservation and production due to certain benefits.
Firstly
, these ingredients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
taste to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more palatable and scrumptious.
For example
, ice cream and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
drinks are
routinely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
for taste enhancement.
Furthermore
, this practice boosts commercial activity, as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavoured' is British English.
flavoured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products out of their cravings for them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
such as Pepsi and Walls are a proof of this as they have demonstrated huge growth in their recent yearly sales.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
for preservation and production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of reasons related to taste and financial gains for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
However
, I am a strong opponent of this view, believing that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such practices should
be banned
as they cause harm to human health, causing various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cancers
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Do the dangers derived from the use of chemicals in food production and preservation outweigh the advantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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