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Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others believe that this is the role of the parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.3

Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others believe that this is the role of the parents. v. 3
Maintaining discipline among young students has always been an unenviable task. Some people believe that the responsibility of enforcing discipline rests with the teachers, while others believe that this task must be shouldered by the parents. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of this argument and explain why I strongly believe that parents must discipline their children. On one hand, children spend a bulk of their days in schools, in close proximity to their teachers. Hence, students begin to look up to their tutors as role models in daily life. For example, gym instructors are revered by their pupils, and try to imbibe the qualities that they express. Therefore, it becomes imperative that teachers take it upon themselves to be beacons of self discipline, so as to inculcate the same in their students. On the other hand, children spend their initial years being raised solely by their parents. At such an impressionable age, it becomes the duty of the care givers to instill the seeds of discipline in their growing minds. For instance, most boys, growing up, are often seen wearing their father's shoes and ties to try and mirror him. As parents, clearly, have such a significant effect on their progeny, disciplining their wards becomes a part and parcel of a guardian's duties. In my view, teachers are responsible for hundreds of youths that pass through their classes every year. Thus, it becomes unfair for them to assume the sole responsibility of ensuring discipline amongst those that they teach. Parents, on the other hand, are tasked with shaping the personalities of their own offspring only. In conclusion, I think that parents and teachers must share the burden of building a child's character, but the onus must fall on the parents. It becomes imperative that there exists a combined effort between the two support structures in a child's life, in order to curb the growing menace of indiscipline.
Maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
among young students has always been an unenviable task.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the responsibility of enforcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
rests with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, while others believe that this task
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be shouldered
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of this argument and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
their children.

On one hand, children spend a bulk of their days in schools, in
Consider using "proximity".
close proximity
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
Hence
, students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to look up to their tutors as role models in daily life.
For example
, gym instructors
are revered
by their pupils, and try to imbibe the qualities that they express.
Therefore
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
imperative that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
take it upon themselves to be beacons of self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
inculcate the same in their students.

On the other hand
, children spend their initial years
being raised
solely
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. At such an impressionable age, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
the duty of the care givers to instill the seeds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
in their growing minds.
For instance
, most boys, growing up, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
wearing their father's shoes and ties to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
mirror him. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
clearly
, have such a significant effect on their progeny, disciplining their wards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
a part and parcel of a guardian's duties.

In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are responsible for hundreds of youths that pass through their classes every year.
Thus
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
unfair for them to assume the sole responsibility of ensuring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
Do not mix variants of the same word ('amongst' and 'among') within a single text.
amongst
those that they teach.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
,
on the other hand
,
are tasked
with shaping the personalities of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
offspring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
share the burden of building a child's character,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the onus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
fall on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
imperative that there exists a combined effort between the two support structures in a child's life, in order to curb the growing menace of indiscipline.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others believe that this is the role of the parents. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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