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Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be te responsibility of teachers, while others think that it is the role of parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be te responsibility of teachers, while others think that it is the role of parents. v. 2
As it is always said that prevention is better than cure, I agree that authority should focus towards reducing health issues but, at the same time should provide all the needed medical facilities for curing the diseased ones. The Government should raise funds towards the prevention of the illness so that less people fall ill, which means there will be less treatments needed and government can use these funds towards other public services, moreover, healthy people only can contribute towards the nation's economy. In addition to this, the whole world is facing the shortage of care givers in medical centres, as in a survey, it was found that there is only a one nurse available proportional to ten patients, therefore if there will be less patients this ratio can be balanced to some extent. In addition, if more people will have health problems, there will be less tax contribution from them as they will not be able to work and reduction of this stress on tax funds can be achieved by preventing them from getting diseased. The Government should make sure to provide all measures to reduce the number of patients as I discussed above, however, It should also make sure to facilitates citizens with all the medical treatments firstly, so that those who fall ill can be taken care on time. Secondly, if there will be all medical equipments and facilities available, virus and flus can be controlled on time which will result in lesser number of patients. Lastly, it's the right of all the citizens to get all the well equipped medical centre and treatments so the government should take care of them properly. In conclusion, while, I agree with the fact that government should provide proper funding to prevent deceases and making citizens healthy, but simultaneously should also take care of making medical treatments accessible to all the people.
As it is always said that prevention is better than cure, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that authority should focus towards reducing health issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, at the same time should provide all the needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
facilities for curing the diseased ones.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should raise funds towards the prevention of the illness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fall ill, which means there will be
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun treatments is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
needed and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these funds towards other public services,
moreover
, healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can contribute towards the nation's economy.
In addition
to this, the whole world is facing the shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
givers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, as in a survey, it
was found
that there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a one nurse available proportional to ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
,
therefore
if there will be
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun patients is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
this ratio can
be balanced
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
In addition
, if more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have health problems, there will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
tax contribution from them as they will not be able to work and reduction of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on tax funds can
be achieved
by preventing them from getting diseased.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure to provide all measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
as I discussed above,
however
, It should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure to facilitates citizens with all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that those who fall ill can
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
on time.
Secondly
, if there will be all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
equipments and facilities available, virus and
Possible spelling mistake found.
flus can
be controlled
on time which will result in lesser number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
.
Lastly
, it's the right of all the citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them
properly
.

In conclusion
, while, I
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide proper funding to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
deceases and making citizens healthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
simultaneously
should
also
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
accessible to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be te responsibility of teachers, while others think that it is the role of parents. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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