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Discipline has indeed become a major issue in many schools v.1

Discipline has indeed become a major issue in many schools v. 1
Discipline has indeed become a major issue in many schools. While some people believe that this is the parents’ responsibility, others argue that it belongs to the teachers. However, in my opinion, both parents and teachers are equally accountable. On one side of the argument, some argue that teachers have more experience to train children. They can deal with these situations as they have experience and skill in understanding and controlling the different natures of students. A teacher, for example, can tell by their experience whether the student has any bad behavioural problems or it is because of problems at home. If teachers pay more attention to these students, there will probably be fewer disobedient students in the classroom. However, parents can also play a vital part in teaching good discipline. This is mainly because children are close to their parents, so they can more easily share their feelings and problems with them. Furthermore, students spend fewer hours at school than they do at home, which gives parents a greater opportunity to teach them the importance of discipline. It will not only make them more obedient but also increase their performance at school. Consequently, teachers won’t have to focus on discipline so much and will have more time to concentrate on other important factors such as communication and cooperation, among others. In conclusion, while teachers need to put a certain amount of effort to make students obedient using their teaching experience, I also believe that parents should take responsibility to teach children about the importance of discipline.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Discipline
has
indeed
become a major issue in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
responsibility, others argue that it belongs to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
However
, in my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are
equally
accountable.

On one side of the argument,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
to train children. They can deal with these situations as they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in understanding and controlling the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
natures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
,
for example
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
problems or it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of problems at home. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
pay more attention to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, there will
probably
be fewer disobedient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the classroom.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
also
play a vital part in teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
children are close to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can more
easily
share their feelings and problems with them.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend fewer hours at school than they do at home, which gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
a greater opportunity to teach them the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
. It will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more obedient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
increase their performance at school.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
won’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much and will have more time to concentrate on other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors such as communication and cooperation, among others.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
need to put a certain amount of effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
obedient using their teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, I
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take responsibility to teach children about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Discipline has indeed become a major issue in many schools v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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