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Directors of large companies often receive much bigger salary increases than ordinary workers Employers organisations say that in a global market this is necessary to attract the best management talent What are your views v.2

Directors of large companies often receive much bigger salary increases than ordinary workers Employers organisations say that in a global market this is necessary to attract the best management talent What are your views v. 2
Wage discrimination has always been one of the biggest conflicts between employers and employees. One of employees’ complaints is the huge salary gap between an ordinary worker and the director of a big company. In defense, employees state that this is necessary in order to attract the best ones in managing. I agree with this due to several matters which will be discussed in the following. To begin with, from my point of view not only the gap between salaries is not outrageous but it is mandatory. What i mean is if a system wants to operate at it’s best, there should be a reward mechanism such as salary gap. The increase in payment will give the employees courage to work harder in order to get promotion, otherwise what is the point of hardworking? Moreover, the director’s salary increase is more of an investment rather than waste of money. That position includes big responsibilities and hard decisions which are they made wrong, it will cost the company pile loads of money, even bankruptcy. Thus, by payment increase, employees try to attract the best talents in order to avoid the loss and damage made by wrong choices and even making profit this way. Last but not least, adding up the number on the director’s check, and even other hard working talented workers, is a choice used to be optional, but not anymore. What actually values the most in a company is it’s workforce and talents. In the global marker, companies try to steal these valuables from each other by offering better contracts including better salaries and thus, if one does not want to lose their valuable employees, it should consider a raise in paying them. Consequently, paying more money to directors is an arbitrary matter in the global market. That will eventually result in keeping the good staff, making more money and having hardworking employees.
Wage discrimination has always been one of the biggest conflicts between employers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. One of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
complaints is the huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
gap between an ordinary worker and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
director
of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. In defense,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
state that this is necessary in order to attract the best ones in managing. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this due to several matters which will
be discussed
in the following.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, from my point of view not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
is not outrageous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is mandatory. What
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
mean is if a system wants to operate at
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it’s
best, there should be a reward mechanism such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
gap. The increase in payment will give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
courage to work harder in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promotion,
otherwise
what is the point of hardworking?

Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
director’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
increase is more of an investment
rather
than waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. That position includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
responsibilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
decisions which are they made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, it will cost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
pile loads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, even bankruptcy.
Thus
, by payment increase,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
try to attract the best talents in order to avoid the loss and damage made by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
choices and even making profit this way.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, adding up the number on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
director’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
, and even other
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
talented workers, is a choice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be optional,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not anymore. What actually values the most in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (short form of 'it is')?
it’s
workforce and talents. In the global marker,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
try to steal these valuables from each other by offering better contracts including better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
and
thus
, if one does not want to lose their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, it should consider a raise in paying them.

Consequently
, paying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
directors
is an arbitrary matter in the global market. That will
eventually
result in keeping the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
staff, making more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and having hardworking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Directors of large companies often receive much bigger salary increases than ordinary workers Employers organisations say that in a global market this is necessary to attract the best management talent What are your views v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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