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Directors of large companies often receive much bigger salary increases than ordinary workers. Employers' organisations say that in a global market this is necessary to attract the best management talent. What are your views? v.1

Directors of large companies often receive much bigger salary increases than ordinary workers. Employers' organisations say that in a global market this is necessary to attract the best management talent. What are your views? v. 1
In some countries with their own traditional pattern of life, single-sex schools are educating boys and girls separately, while many other countries follow the orthodox view of coeducational schools. Apparently, there are advantages to both as long as they are providing quality education. At the outset, people advocating gender division in schools see the key aspect of freedom at schools. It allows students of the same sex discuss any topic without any hesitation which results in paying more attention to studies. For instance, studying any subjects such as biology, especially human reproduction or any other gender oriented topics are openly and fairly discussed. Hence, in-depth studies with freedom become a reason for better academic results. The other thought, however, supports the idea of co-education because of some benefits. Firstly, confidence is gained while studying together as day to day interaction between boys and girls removes shyness and develops a better understanding between them. Secondly, this teaching methodology leads pupils to develop the sense of co-operation leading them to support, study and teamwork. Finally, development of a healthy competition in mixed schools motivates them to strive hard for holding positions in academic results. All these benefits are the tools for preparing boys and girls for their future career when they step into professional lives, where interaction between them will be inevitable. To conclude, I like the idea of mixed school and find it the best way of educating boys and girls as compared to separate schools. I have also experienced studying in a mixed school and find myself completely compatible with the opposite gender and face no problem at work. I think even in eastern countries like Pakistan, the trend of mixed school will continue to grow as it has been realized that co-education is a key to success.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditional pattern of life, single-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
separately
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other countries follow the orthodox view of coeducational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Apparently
, there are advantages to both as long as they are providing quality education.

At the outset,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocating gender division in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the key aspect of freedom at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
students of the same sex discuss any topic without any hesitation which results in paying more attention to studies.
For instance
, studying any subjects such as biology,
especially
human reproduction or any other gender oriented topics are
openly
and
fairly
discussed.
Hence
, in-depth studies with freedom become a reason for better academic results.

The other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
however
, supports the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of co-education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.

Firstly
, confidence
is gained
while studying together as
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
removes shyness and develops a better understanding between them.
Secondly
, this teaching methodology leads pupils to develop the sense of co-operation leading them to support, study and teamwork.
Finally
, development of a healthy competition in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
motivates them to strive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for holding positions in academic results. All these benefits are the tools for preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
for their future career when they step into professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, where interaction between them will be inevitable.

To conclude
, I like the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and find it the best way of educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
as compared to separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. I have
also
experienced studying in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and find myself completely compatible with the opposite gender and face no problem at work. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
even in eastern countries like Pakistan, the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will continue to grow as it has
been realized
that co-education is a key to success.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Directors of large companies often receive much bigger salary increases than ordinary workers. Employers' organisations say that in a global market this is necessary to attract the best management talent. What are your views? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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