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Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. v.1

Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. v. 1
Decision made by the leaders and initiatives taken by them often determines the fate of an organisation and that is why selecting the right people for the senior decision-making positions in a company is an important step. It is customary that employees in directorship and managerial positions often requires years of experience while some people opine that young should be given the chance to lead a company. I cannot agree with this group of people as I believe that those decision-making  positions are more suitable for experienced people. To start with, directors or managers of an organisation were not directly appointed to these positions in most of the cases. They had to work for the company for several years, prove their worth, show their loyalty, establish their credibility and express their ability to be promoted to those senior positions. With the time, they have become quite experienced and learned from their mistakes. Thus their experience and expertise have taught them when to take a risk and when not to and how to tackle complex situations like riots or rivalry from the competitors. Due to this, decisions made and initiatives taken by those senior employees are more trustworthy and proven than any inexperienced employee, no matter how energetic or innovative he is! Furthermore, young people have endless spirit, fresh perspectives, technological know-how and innovative ideas which are more fitting for producing better output than leading others. They should be guided by senior leaders who had once been young and fresh but now have more experience than energy. To cite an example. most of the IT firms have young employees but their team leads are mostly seniors. Again, young people are often driven by emotion and make quick decisions. This might be quite handy in facing some minor issues but when a large organisation's fate is concerned, the decisions should come from experienced executives. This, however, does not mean that a manager should not listen to young employees and take input from them. Finally, leading a small team in an organisation and being an executive director in a large company are not the same thing. Young adults who have some leadership qualities should be allowed to lead a team but major decisions making positions should be held by deserving experienced personnel. To sum up, I am not against letting young people take some responsibilities or lead a small team. But from a more logical perspective, I believe that only experienced adults with a proven track-record should be in higher positions in an organisation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Decision
made by the leaders and initiatives taken by them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
determines the fate of an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and
that is
why selecting the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for the
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senior
decision-making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in a
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company
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
step. It is customary that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in directorship and managerial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
requires years of experience while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. I cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as I believe that those decision-making
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
are more suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, directors or managers of an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
were not
directly
appointed to these
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positions
in most of the cases. They had to work for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for several years, prove their worth,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their loyalty, establish their credibility and express their ability to
be promoted
to those
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senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
. With the time, they have become quite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
and learned from their mistakes.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
their experience and expertise have taught them when to take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and when not to and how to tackle complex situations like riots or rivalry from the competitors. Due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
made and initiatives taken by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are more trustworthy and proven than any inexperienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
, no matter how energetic or innovative he is!

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have endless spirit, fresh perspectives, technological know-how and innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
which are more fitting for producing better output than leading others. They should
be guided
by
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senior
leaders who had once been
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young
and fresh
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have more experience than energy. To cite an example.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
most
of the IT firms have
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young
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employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their
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team
leads are
mostly
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seniors
. Again,
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
driven by emotion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
quick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. This might be quite handy in facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when a large
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
's fate
is concerned
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
executives. This,
however
, does not mean that a manager should not listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and take input from them.

Finally
, leading a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and being an executive director in a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
are not the same thing.
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Young
adults who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
leadership qualities should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
should
be held
by deserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
personnel.

To sum up, I am not against letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
responsibilities or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
from a more logical perspective, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
adults with a proven
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
-record should be in higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
421 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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