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‘Presentation is better than cure’ and that’s why more money from health budget should be spent on promoting a healthy lifestyle to prevent illness. Therefore it is wise to spend more money to prevent illness than to spend on curing people who are already ill. v.1

‘Presentation is better than cure’ and that’s why more money from health budget should be spent on promoting a healthy lifestyle to prevent illness. Therefore it is wise to spend more money to prevent illness than to spend on curing people who are already ill. v. 1
‘Presentation is better than cure’ and that’s why more money from health budget should be spent on promoting a healthy lifestyle to prevent illness. Therefore it is wise to spend more money to prevent illness than to spend on curing people who are already ill. In recent years, many countries have made a decision to spend a large proportion of money on disease prevention rather than the treatment of current patients. Yet, there remains some disagreement as to whether this strategy has been positive or negative. While there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that more money should spend on prevention than treatment. There are two primary reasons for this. First of all, it is an indisputable fact that infection diseases are spreading fast. Consequently, tackling this problem is difficult without stopping the source of disease. For instance, some countries from West Africa have suffered from Ebola since last year. Despite the numerous of medicine and money that came from deferent countries and organisation most of the patients died. Thus, promoting the healthy lifestyle might be the best way to solve this situation. In other words, making vaccination will help countries to deal with many diseases. Further and even more importantly, though, low level of health education and lack of exercises are responsible for such ailments as high blood pressure, obesity and heart diseases. However, by spending money to increase the level of understanding health problems in society can reduce the morbidity rate. Moreover, the increasing number of green areas in cities may encourage people to do outdoor sports and also allow people to breathing fresh air. These activities are very important for human health. By the way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that it would be better if more money from the health budget are spent to protect people from illness rather than treating them after they become ill.
‘Presentation is better than cure’ and that’s why more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budget should
be spent
on promoting a healthy lifestyle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
illness.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is wise to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
illness than to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on curing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are already ill.

In recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have made a decision to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a large proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
prevention
rather
than the treatment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
patients.
Yet
, there remains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagreement
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
this strategy has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. While there are
certainly
valid arguments to the contrary, I
personally
believe that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on prevention than treatment. There are two primary reasons for this.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is an indisputable fact that infection
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are spreading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
Consequently
, tackling this problem is difficult without stopping the source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
from West Africa have suffered from Ebola since last year. Despite
The phrase 'the numerous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the numerous of
medicine and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that came from
Possible spelling mistake found.
deferent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
most of the patients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
.
Thus
, promoting the healthy lifestyle might be the best way to solve this situation.
In other words
, making vaccination will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases.

Further
and even more
importantly
, though, low level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education and lack of exercises are responsible for such ailments as high blood pressure, obesity and heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
However
, by spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to increase the level of understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems in society can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the morbidity rate.
Moreover
, the increasing number of green areas in cities may encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do outdoor sports and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
Did you mean "breathe"?
breathing
fresh air. These activities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for human health.

By the way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that it would be better if more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budget
are spent
to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from illness
rather
than treating them after they become ill.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay ‘Presentation is better than cure’ and that’s why more money from health budget should be spent on promoting a healthy lifestyle to prevent illness. Therefore it is wise to spend more money to prevent illness than to spend on curing people who are already ill. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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