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The leaders of organisations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be leaders. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

The leaders of organisations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be leaders. v. 2
It is true that bosses play critical roles in consortiums. While some people think that younger generations are likely to be good at leadership, I strongly believe that older people are much more suitable to handle these important positions due to their long-term experiences and sustainable relationships. On the one hand, it is accepted that junior people have potentials to be a good leader. Firstly, young people are energetic and enthusiastic. As many jobs, nowadays, require each individual especially the leaders the ability to tolerate the work overload with high pressure. And the youth with good health conditions can come up with many solutions even when they are being affected by stress and tiredness. By contrast, old people’ health, in general, is very poor so it will be such a challenge for them to make proper decisions in difficult situations under the overwhelmment of work. Secondly, junior people, nowadays, are more talented and more creative than the elders. This good point help them to solve the problems more easily and effectively than the older people. For example, a teenager can bring in many advertising strategy that contributes to the increase in the income of a company. On the other hand, senior people are believed to be much better at leading the organisation. First of all, older people accumulate more experiences than younger people in many fields. This helps them to make wiser decision and bring more success to the company. For instance, older directors have learnt from the past for several times so they will know clearly about what strategy is the most efficient for the growth of the business. Secondly, the elderly are usually respected by lots of members in an organisation because of their communication skills. Old people are experienced in listening and understanding other individuals, which helps them to build up many good relationships not only in their companies but also in society. Therefore, senior people are more powerful and their speech can influence other people easily. Obviously, older people totally have more advantages in leading an organisation. In conclusion, I hold the belief that critical positions of authority should be given to senior people owing to their valuable experiences and good relationships.
It is true that bosses play critical roles in consortiums. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that younger generations are likely to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at leadership, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are much more suitable to handle these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
positions due to their long-term experiences and sustainable relationships.

On the one hand, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have potentials to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
leader.
Firstly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are energetic and enthusiastic. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs, nowadays, require each individual
especially
the leaders the ability to tolerate the work overload with high pressure. And the youth with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
health conditions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions even when they are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tiredness. By contrast,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’
health,
in general
, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will be such a challenge for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
proper decisions in difficult situations under the
Possible spelling mistake found.
overwhelmment
of work.
Secondly
, junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, nowadays, are more talented and more creative than the elders. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
point
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to solve the problems more
easily
and
effectively
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
can bring in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advertising strategy that contributes to the increase in the income of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

On the other hand
, senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are believed
to be much better at leading the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accumulate more experiences than younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
wiser decision and bring more success to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
directors have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from the past for several times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will know
clearly
about what strategy is the most efficient for the growth of the business.
Secondly
, the elderly are
usually
respected by lots of members in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are experienced
in listening and understanding other individuals, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to build up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relationships not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in society.
Therefore
, senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more powerful and their speech can influence other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
totally
have more advantages in leading an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.

In conclusion
, I hold the belief that critical positions of authority should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
owing to their valuable experiences and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relationships.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The leaders of organisations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be leaders. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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