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Developments of technology are causing environmental problems. Some people think the solution is that everyone should accept a simpler life, while other believe that technology can solve these problems. Discuss both view and give your opinion v.1

Developments of technology are causing environmental problems. Some people think the solution is that everyone should accept a simpler life, while other believe that technology can solve these problems. 1
Sales Positions are the key position in the companies and the sales personnels should be motivated by way various schemes, where some believe that monetary factor is the only way to increase their performance where others views are that there are few more factors as well which are to be considered as ruling indicators. I presume that money is the most important factor which satisfy the major needs of the sales person and also keeps them motivated during the period of employment. To embark with, Sales companies, mostly considered sales target bonuses into the offer letter of the sales team, which is paid only on the achievement of the set target. For example, if they achieve 10000 pcs of sales of mobiles in a month, then they will get a bonus of Rs 30000 at the beginning of next month, and they also put their whole efforts to achieve their target to get the bonus only because they always have plans in their life which they want to achieve with the money only. Furthermore, Money keeps them more focused and goal oriented as well as they always think about the bonus and target associated with that bonus and put their whole soul and body to reach and complete the target. Some other motivational factors like promotions, Friendly environment at the work place, politics free offices, no cut through the competition is not much considered by the most of the sales personnel as they have only thought in their mind that is, They have to work hard to earn more and more money rest other factors mostly considered by the factory workers and office workers where they have to work the whole day at the same place with the same people. To conclude with, There is saying that money is everything in the life and without it life is nothing. I also believe that money is the only main factor of motivation during the life and we all are hungry a lot. Every day we work only to earn money and keep our family happy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sales
Positions are the key position in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "personnel", the plural form of the noun 'personnel'?
personnels
should
be motivated
by way various schemes, where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
way to increase their performance where others views are that there are few more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
as well
which are to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
as ruling indicators. I presume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
which satisfy the major needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
person and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them motivated during the period of employment.

To embark with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
bonuses into the offer letter of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
team, which
is paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
on the achievement of the set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
.
For example
, if they achieve 10000
Possible spelling mistake found.
pcs
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of mobiles in a month, then they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bonus
of Rs 30000 at the beginning of
next
month, and they
also
put their whole efforts to achieve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bonus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they always have plans in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which they want to achieve with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them more focused and goal oriented
as well
as they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bonus
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
associated with that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bonus
and put their whole soul and body to reach and complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
other motivational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
like promotions, Friendly environment at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place, politics free offices, no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
through the competition is not much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
by the most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
personnel as they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
in their mind
that is
, They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
rest other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
by the factory workers and office workers where they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
the whole day at the same place with the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
with, There is saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is everything in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and without it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is nothing. I
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
of motivation during the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
we all are hungry a lot. Every day we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our family happy.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Developments of technology are causing environmental problems. Some people think the solution is that everyone should accept a simpler life, while other believe that technology can solve these problems. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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