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Developed countries have created many environmental problems in the World, particularly in their contribution to global warming. Why is global warming a problem? What can be done to reduce the dangers of global warming? v.1

Developed countries have created many environmental problems in the World, particularly in their contribution to global warming. Why is global warming a problem? What can be done to reduce the dangers of global warming? v. 1
In recent years, global warming has been receiving a great deal of public attention as whether it is considered as one of the most serious issues that many countries around the world are creating environmental problems has caused a debate. This issue is triggered by a whole host of reasons and some feasible solutions should be implemented to address this. On the one hand. There are a number of reasons why global warming is one of the most serious problems in the world. First, since industrial zones burn fossil fuels, including oil, coal… into the air, which will release gases, being called CO2. As a result, CO2 is the main factor to trap heat. Second, a research study has shown that in developed countries such as USA or Germany, there are a number of private vehicles to emit exhaust fumes into the air. This emission will increase temperature that lead to deplete ozone layer. On the other hand, there are some radical solutions to address the dangers of global warming. One of the solutions is that governments have to decide to cut down on emissions or to reduce the reliance on fossil fuels and invest in alternative energy. For example, wind power and solar energy are steps to direct rightly to alleviate environmental problems. Furthermore, individuals need to change their lifestyle. Governments should encourage people to buy bikes instead of private vehicles such as cars or motorbikes. Cycling is necessary for them to be a physically demanding activity. Therefore, governments should invest in public infrastructure such as lanes for cyclists to travel faster in major cities, especially in developed countries. In conclusion, with all the convincing reasons mentioned above, it seem to me that the dangers of environmental problems enable people to tackle. However, it is hard to change and predict the future of our environment when there are still many people to neglect the environmental problems.
In recent years, global warming has been receiving a great deal of public attention as whether it
is considered
as one of the most serious issues that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world are creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
has caused a debate. This issue
is triggered
by a whole host of reasons and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible solutions should
be implemented
to address this.

On the one hand. There are a number of reasons why global warming is one of the most serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in the world.
First
, since industrial zones burn fossil fuels, including oil, coal… into the air, which will release gases,
being called
CO2.
As a result
, CO2 is the main factor to trap heat. Second, a research study has shown that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
such
A determiner is probably missing here: "as the USA".
as USA
or Germany, there are a number of private vehicles to emit exhaust fumes into the air. This emission will increase temperature that lead to deplete ozone layer.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
radical solutions to address the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of global warming. One of the solutions is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down on emissions or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the reliance on fossil fuels and invest in alternative energy.
For example
, wind power and solar energy are steps to direct
rightly
to alleviate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Furthermore
, individuals need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their lifestyle.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
bikes
instead
of private vehicles such as cars or motorbikes. Cycling is necessary for them to be a
physically
demanding activity.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should invest in public infrastructure such as lanes for cyclists to travel faster in major cities,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

In conclusion
, with all the convincing reasons mentioned above, it
Did you mean "seems"?
seem
to me that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
enable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to tackle.
However
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and predict the future of our environment when there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to neglect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Developed countries have created many environmental problems in the World, particularly in their contribution to global warming. Why is global warming a problem? What can be done to reduce the dangers of global warming? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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