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Despite the increased access to education, a significant number of people cannot read or write. What are the disadvantages and what action should the government take? v.1

Despite the increased access to education, a significant number of people cannot read or write. What are the disadvantages and what action should the government take? v. 1
Nowadays, education is ever more accessible, but still, a certain percentage of the population remains illiterate. In this essay, I will discuss the importance of education and how authorities can solve this problem. To begin with, education can not only teach a person how to read and write, but also help with common sense. Those who are illiterate, fail to comprehend the basic knowledge required for day-to-day tasks. For instance, without studying biology, it is difficult to understand the need for cleanliness because the uneducated individual lacks basic knowledge of viruses and bacteria the surround us. Furthermore, most of the businesses are knowledge-based and require employees to learn, understand and grasp quickly, skills that can only be retained through education. Thus, schooling is necessary for survival and to secure a well-paid job. There are a number of ways the government can over-come this challenge. First, governing bodies can offer free classes in evenings and weekends to educate these adults. Secondly, more awareness campaigns, such as on TV and radio, can address the importance of education and encourage interest in schooling. Finally, introducing new teaching methods, for example, computer usage, to make learning fun at a young age can prevent children from stopping school at an early age. These are some of the ways the government can fight illiteracy. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the importance of education is necessary in all aspects of our life. The government should introduce schemes to solve this serious issue facing our society.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is ever more accessible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
, a certain percentage of the population remains illiterate. In this essay, I will discuss the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and how authorities can solve this problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teach a person how to read and write,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with common sense. Those who are illiterate, fail to comprehend the basic knowledge required for day-to-day tasks.
For instance
, without studying biology, it is difficult to understand the need for cleanliness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the uneducated individual lacks basic knowledge of viruses and bacteria the surround us.
Furthermore
, most of the businesses are knowledge-based and require employees to learn, understand and grasp
quickly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be retained
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Thus
, schooling is necessary for survival and to secure a well-paid job.

There are a number of ways the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can over-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
this challenge.
First
, governing bodies can offer free classes in evenings and weekends to educate these adults.
Secondly
, more awareness campaigns, such as on TV and radio, can address the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and encourage interest in schooling.
Finally
, introducing new teaching methods,
for example
, computer usage, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
learning fun at a young age can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
children from stopping school at an early age. These are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
ways the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can fight illiteracy.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is necessary in all aspects of our life. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should introduce schemes to solve this serious issue facing our society.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Despite the increased access to education, a significant number of people cannot read or write. What are the disadvantages and what action should the government take? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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