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Many places in the world rely on tourism as a primary source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Discuss both its advantages and disadvantages. v.1

Many places in the world rely on tourism as a primary source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. v. 1
In these days, tourism is a beneficial and emerging business. It is a major Source of income for a lot of areas worldwide, although; it could also initialize some issues in case of mismanagement. But according to me its merits such as, employment growth and economic boost are of more value than its demerits. Both will be discussed ahead. To begin with advantages, due to tourism a lot of small and large local businesses like, hotels, food shops, local transportation ecetra got settled. Moreover, these businesses require workers in order to keep running. Resulting in more employment for local individuals. Another benefit of tourism is its revenue, that helps in the growth of national economy, which results in more facilities and services by the government for citizens. Therefore its also surges the living standards of citizens. According to a survey conduced that revenue from tourist places has a 50% contribution to the country's economy. On the other hand, tourism might affect in a bad way if not properly utilized and planned. It can degrade the cultural importance in sake of money, people might use traditional clothing and values only to imprest tourists. Moreover, it can also create cultural clashes, because most of the tourists are from other cultures and they do not have a respect for the culture of that tourist place. That is why, the local people sometimes get quarreled with them for disrespecting their beliefs resulting in violence and breaking of laws. To conclude, the tourism promotes wealth and employment, it can also create some issues sometime. That can be easily handled by the authorities. Owing to this according to me the advantages surely outweigh the disadvantages.
In these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is a beneficial and emerging business. It is a major Source of income for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
areas worldwide, although; it could
also
initialize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues in case of mismanagement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
according to me its merits such as, employment growth and economic boost are of more value than its demerits. Both will
be discussed
ahead.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with advantages, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses like, hotels, food shops,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
transportation
Possible spelling mistake found.
ecetra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
settled.
Moreover
, these businesses require workers in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
running. Resulting in more employment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
individuals. Another benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is its revenue, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the growth of national economy, which results in more facilities and services by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for citizens.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
its
also
surges the living standards of citizens. According to a survey conduced that revenue from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
places has a 50% contribution to the country's economy.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
might affect in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way if not
properly
utilized and planned. It can degrade the cultural importance in sake of money,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
traditional clothing and values
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
imprest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
Moreover
, it can
also
create cultural clashes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
are from other
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cultures and
they do not have a respect for the culture of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
place.
That is
why, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
quarreled with them for disrespecting their beliefs resulting in violence and breaking of laws.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
promotes wealth and employment, it can
also
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues sometime. That can be
easily
handled by the authorities. Owing to this according to me the advantages
surely
outweigh the disadvantages.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many places in the world rely on tourism as a primary source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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