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Despite greater access to school education, many adults today still cannot read or write. How does this affect them in life? What can government do to help them? v.2

Despite greater access to school education, many adults today still cannot read or write. How does this affect them in life? What can government do to help them? v. 2
Illiteracy is one of the biggest problems, faced by the society. Inspite of having an increasing number of primary and secondary schools, many men and women continue to remain illiterate. The primary effect of this is they are helpless to live in poor conditions due to lack of proper job. However, this issue cab ne resolved by timely intervention by the government which can provide free basic education to everyone. It is a known fact that to get a well paid white collar job, an individual should be highly qualified which is not the case in many adults. Due to lack of education and proper knowledge they are hired to work as a labour mainly at a construction site and are paid extremely minimal wages. Due to this they continue to remain below poverty line and are unable to carve out a better life for themselves or their family. For example, India, being one of the fastest growing economies in the world has one of the highest numbers of illiterate young population. However, the government can help them by providing free basic education. The government of any country, being the highest decision making authority, can help by making basic education compulsory for all. In other words, with such law the problem will be addressed at grass root level wherein everyone will at least know basics of reading and writing which can help them in future. This could be done by setting up new schools in every village and districts of the country. Also, the government can collaborate with NGOs wherein these NGOs can conduct classes for such men and women and educate them about basic reading and writing which will eventually help them to progress in life. For instance, there was a recent news article on an NGO – Hope which conducts night class for labourers and provides them basis education and this in turn is helping the workers immensely. In conclusion, inspite of improving primary education resources the number of uneducated youth continues to remain high and as a result of this they continue to live in poverty. The onus is on the government to provide proper access for education to everyone thereby improving the living standards.
Illiteracy is one of the biggest problems, faced by the society.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Inspite
of having an increasing number of primary and secondary schools,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
Consider using "remain".
continue to remain
illiterate. The primary effect of this is they are helpless to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in poor conditions due to lack of proper job.
However
, this issue cab
Did you mean "né", "me", or "no"?
ne
resolved by timely intervention by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
which can provide free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to everyone.

It is a known fact that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a well paid white collar job, an individual should be
highly
qualified which is not the case in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults. Due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and proper knowledge they
are hired
to work as a
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
mainly
at a construction site and
are paid
extremely
minimal wages. Due to this they
Consider using "remain".
continue to remain
below poverty line and are unable to carve out a better life for themselves or their family.
For example
, India, being one of the fastest growing economies in the world has one of the highest numbers of illiterate young population.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them by providing free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
education.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of any country, being the highest
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
authority, can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
compulsory for all.
In other words
, with such law the problem will
be addressed
at grass root level wherein everyone will at least know basics of reading and writing which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. This could
be done
by setting up new schools in every village and districts of the country.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can collaborate with NGOs wherein these NGOs can conduct classes for such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women and educate them about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
reading and writing which will
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to progress in life.
For instance
, there was a recent news article on an NGO
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Hope which conducts night
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
and provides them basis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and this in turn is helping the workers
immensely
.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
inspite
of improving primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
resources the number of uneducated youth
Consider using "remains".
continues to remain
high and
as a result
of this they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in poverty. The onus is on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to provide proper access for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to everyone thereby
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "improves", "improved".
improving
the living standards.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Despite greater access to school education, many adults today still cannot read or write. How does this affect them in life? What can government do to help them? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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