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Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What could be the reason for this trend, and what can be done to reverse it? v.2

Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What could be the reason for this trend, and what can be done to reverse it? v. 2
In present-day society, although immense reformations in health care have occurred, the physical standard health amount is being subsided in a great number of thriving nations. In this essay, I would like to identify the causes of this circumstance and propose some corresponding solutions as well. It is irrefutable that a wide range of factors contributes to dwindle a physical health standard. In the first place, environmental pollution probably could influence on water or air. To illustrate this, if people drink contaminated water, they will definitely be sick. Thus, the disease is spread constantly by this disaster. In the second place, the majority of people do not have a diet schedule during their weekdays. This is because most employees do not have enough time to enjoy eating their meals. Hence, people would rather eat fast foods much more than healthy foods. The third cause is lack of exercise, there is no doubt that without spending time on sports activities admittedly the health of each individual is going to be threatened in the subsequent upcoming years. On the basis of the above reasoning, it is fortunate that myriad comprehensive measures have been taken. First and foremost, a domestic health channel or tv show should be established by the government in order to learn people about preserving them from illnesses and reinforcing their health knowledge. Take ' The Biggest Loser' which is an American reality show as an example, most of the American citizens who are in high fat encouraged to lose their weight by watching this show. As a result, the statistic of obesity people is descended in the USA. Furthermore, green space and gyms should be built well over by the government. Therefore, people are stimulated to exercise more by having good enough facilities. To sum up, in spite of improving efficiency in health care in the most prosperous countries, meanwhile, the overall standard of physical health is decreased nowadays. Accordingly, steps must be taken by both individuals and governments to prevent problems.
In present-day society, although immense reformations in
health
care have occurred, the physical standard
health
amount is
being subsided
in a great number of thriving nations. In this essay, I would like to identify the causes of this circumstance and propose
some
corresponding solutions
as well
.

It is irrefutable that a wide range of factors contributes to dwindle a physical
health
standard. In the
first
place, environmental pollution
probably
could influence on water or air. To illustrate this, if
people
drink contaminated water, they will definitely be sick.
Thus
, the disease
is spread
constantly
by this disaster. In the second place, the majority of
people
do not have a diet schedule during their weekdays. This is
because
most employees do not have
enough
time to enjoy eating their meals.
Hence
,
people
would
rather
eat
fast
foods much more than healthy foods. The third cause is lack of exercise, there is no doubt that without spending time on sports activities
admittedly
the
health
of each individual is going to
be threatened
in the subsequent upcoming years.

On the basis of the above reasoning, it is fortunate that myriad comprehensive measures have
been taken
.
First
and foremost, a domestic
health
channel or
tv
show
should
be established
by the
government
in order to learn
people
about preserving them from illnesses and reinforcing their
health
knowledge. Take
'
The Biggest Loser' which is an American reality
show
as an example, most of the American citizens who are in high
fat
encouraged to lose their weight by watching this
show
.
As a result
, the statistic of obesity
people
is
descended in the USA.
Furthermore
, green space and gyms should
be built
well over by the
government
.
Therefore
,
people
are stimulated
to exercise more by having
good
enough
facilities.

To sum up,
in spite of
improving efficiency in
health
care in the most prosperous countries, meanwhile, the
overall
standard of physical
health
is decreased
nowadays.
Accordingly
, steps
must
be taken
by both individuals and
governments
to
prevent
problems.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What could be the reason for this trend, and what can be done to reverse it? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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