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Some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places? v.2

Some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places? v. 2
Nowadays, parents have become more sensitive towards the environment in which they want to bring up their child. Some people think that cities are the best place for their children to grow up while others think it is the countryside. Both the sides have advantages and disadvantages with respect to the education, exposure and well being of the children which are discussed in the upcoming paragraphs On the one hand, cities provide access to good quality education, a variety of places to learn such as libraries, museums, art galleries, workshops etc. and hence it will greatly help in developing the cognitive capabilities of the children. Yet, because of the rapid urbanisation, the per capita space for the city dwellers is shrinking day by day and the children hardly get enough space to play and explore outdoors. Also, pollution is major problem in cities which leads to respiratory problems in children. For example, a recent study in Delhi, the most polluted city in the world, shows that more than forty percent of the children suffer from asthma and other lung diseases. This shows that the parents need to think of providing a cleaner environment for their children. On the other hand, the countryside offers a calm and relaxed way of life for children. They do not have to be under constant pressure to learn new things. While the countryside is full of beautiful scenic places, lots of open space for the children to play and to be close to the nature, clean and fresh air, they have little to offer on the basic facilities such as schools, colleges and transportation. This leads to children not being exposed to the competitive world and hence they struggle when they have to compete with the children from cities for higher education. In conclusion, although cities have all the resources for a good upbringing, a combination of other factors affect the mental and the physical well being of the children. The countryside, because of the lack of facilities make the children less competitive. A solution to this problem would be to create semi-urban places which offers the same facilities as a city, at the same time, provides a clean environment as in countryside.
Nowadays, parents have become more sensitive towards the environment in which they want to bring up their child.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow up while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
. Both the sides have advantages and disadvantages with respect to the education, exposure and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which
are discussed
in the upcoming
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
paragraphs


On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
provide access to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality education, a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to learn such as libraries, museums, art galleries, workshops etc. and
hence
it will
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in developing the cognitive capabilities of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Yet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the rapid
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
, the per capita space for the city dwellers is shrinking day by day and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space to play and explore outdoors.
Also
, pollution is major problem in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which leads to respiratory problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, a recent study in Delhi, the most polluted city in the world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that more than forty percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffer from asthma and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
lung diseases. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the parents need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of providing a cleaner environment for their children.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
offers a calm and relaxed way of life for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be under constant pressure to learn new things. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
is full of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
scenic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, lots of open space for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play and to be close to the nature, clean and fresh air, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to offer on the basic facilities such as schools, colleges and transportation. This leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
being exposed
to the competitive world and
hence
they struggle when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for higher education.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have all the resources for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
upbringing, a combination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors affect the mental and the physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
less competitive. A solution to this problem would be to create semi-urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
which offers the same facilities as a city, at the same time, provides a clean environment as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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