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Despite health warning, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. why should we be concerned about this? what solution would you suggest? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Despite health warning, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. why should we be concerned about this? what solution would you suggest? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1
There is no doubt that smoking is one of the most common contributors to serious health conditions across the world. In this essay, I am going to discuss smoking and its ill effects with relevant examples. Firstly, smoking not only affects the individual who smokes, but also the ones around him. This is because the smoke from the cigarettes can enter the lungs of others through the air. For example, If a person is discussing with his friend who smokes, the smoke exhaled by the smoker can be inhaled by the one who is not smoking affecting him as well. However, If an individual avoids smoking while in a public place, he can prevent others from inhaling the smoke. This can result in better health of others who are non-smokers. Secondly, smoking can cause serious health conditions in an individual such as cancer. The reason for this is the smoke that enters the respiratory system damages the lungs and hampers their normal functioning. Furthermore, this also adds to the financial burden of the family. For instance, The smoke along with tobacco entering your body creates a tar inside the lungs spoiling the muscle and over the period this can cause the lungs to collapse and the treatment for such cases is costlier. In contrast, if the smoker decides to quit smoking or limit to just one cigarette per week, this can lead to his better health and financial well being. To conclude, restricting smoking in public places and limiting to only one cigarette per week are two solutions I would like to suggest for this problem. I believe that it is the responsibility of the government and also the individual to consider the above-mentioned solutions and implement them.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is one of the most common contributors to serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions across the world. In this essay, I am going to discuss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
and its ill effects with relevant examples.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smokes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
Consider using "the surrounding ones".
the ones around him
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
from the cigarettes can enter the lungs of others through the air.
For example
, If a person is discussing with his friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smokes
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
exhaled by the smoker can
be inhaled
by the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
affecting him
as well
.
However
, If an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
avoids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
while in a public place, he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
others from inhaling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
. This can result in better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are non-smokers.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
can cause serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
such as cancer.
The reason for this is
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
that enters the respiratory system damages the lungs and hampers their normal functioning.
Furthermore
, this
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to the financial burden of the family.
For instance
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
along with tobacco entering your body creates a tar inside the lungs spoiling the muscle and over the period this can cause the lungs to collapse and the treatment for such cases is costlier.
In contrast
, if the smoker decides to quit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
or limit to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one cigarette per week, this can lead to his better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and financial
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.

To conclude
, restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public places and limiting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one cigarette per week are two solutions I would like to suggest for this problem. I believe that it is the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to consider the above-mentioned solutions and implement them.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Despite health warning, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. why should we be concerned about this? what solution would you suggest? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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