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TPO 27 - Question 4Swarm IntelligenceSome insect species live in large groups, or “swarms. ” Such swarms typically include several thousand individual insects. Living in swarms allows these insects to accomplish complex tasks together through complex b v.1

TPO 27 - Question 4Swarm IntelligenceSome insect species live in large groups, or “swarms. ” Such swarms typically include several thousand individual insects. Living in swarms allows these insects to accomplish complex tasks together through complex b v. 1
Religious people tend to believe that boys and girls have to attend to separate schools. Meanwhile, most people without a religious background think that mixed schools are the best option to educate their children. In my opinion, children need to be raised in an environment similar to the one they will live as adults. Mixed schools generate an environment where boys and girls can meet and develop a relationship of understanding. In addition to this, both genders could learn from each other and share different points of view regarding the same subject. Consequently, in schools where boys and girls study together students tend to be more open minded. Although mixed schools seem to be the most convenient place to raise new generations, the religious community believes that children should be educated in separate facilities. The main reason why they think this way is that kids might get distracted. Therefore, they could become more interested in love than in their studies. For instance, when I was a teenager, I went to a mixed school and two girls from my class got pregnant at the age of 16. However, love should be part of the context where children grow up since this would help them to create stronger relationships between each other. To conclude, I strongly advise parents to send their children to mixed schools where they can learn the difference between genders and they can become more understanding adults in the future. In my opinion, if this generation of children is raised in separate schools, this will produce a society where males and females would not be able to share the same rights.
Religious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to believe that boys and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
attend to separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. Meanwhile, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without a religious background
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the best option to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to
be raised
in an environment similar to the one they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as adults.

Mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
generate an environment where boys and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and develop a relationship of understanding.
In addition
to this, both genders could learn from each other and share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
points of view regarding the same subject.
Consequently
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
where boys and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
study together students tend to be more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
open minded
.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
seem to be the most convenient place to raise new generations, the religious community believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be educated
in separate facilities. The main reason why they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this way is that kids might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted.
Therefore
, they could become more interested in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
than in their studies.
For instance
, when I was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
, I went to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
pregnant at the age of 16.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
should be part of the context where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up since this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to create stronger relationships between each other.

To conclude
, I
strongly
advise parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
where they can learn the difference between
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
genders and
they can become more understanding adults in the future. In my opinion, if this generation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is raised
in separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, this will produce a society where males and females would not be able to share the same rights.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 27 - Question 4Swarm IntelligenceSome insect species live in large groups, or “swarms. ” Such swarms typically include several thousand individual insects. Living in swarms allows these insects to accomplish complex tasks together through complex b v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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