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Describe the steps, through which you once learned a new subject and explain how you learned it. Please include details and examples in your response v.1

Describe the steps, through which you once learned a new subject and explain how you learned it. Please include details and examples in your response v. 1
There is a saying that own's place is a own's place. However, owing and living in a house or an apartment is a debatable topic. Some believe, apartments are the best place for accomodation whereas, there are proponents who count more on the house. I support the latter one, as it provides a sense of freedom and eliminates out the former one's expenditures and restrictions. People accommodating themselves in an apartment are usually free from the worries of security and maintenance, which turns out to be a huge responsibility when it come to buying a home. This freedom accounts in respect of the monthly expenditure for both, security and maintenance to the safety guard and owner. The bills further include the use of facilities such as car parking, lifts, playing garden etc. This adds on to become a huge amount which is much more than what would have been spent in a own box. On the other hand, people owing a house, enjoy the perk of living in own desired infrastructure unlike apartments. Furthermore, they can have their own terrace where they can plant their own garden or enjoy with family during the leisure time. They neither have to bother themselves with the strident noises of the neighbour above or below nor they have to go far for parking their vehicles. A recent survey of the ''Housing Board Authority '' revealed that people living in their own houses tend to remain more happier with a sense of peace than to the ones residing in flat. To conclude, although apartments provide easiness with the concerns of security, living in houses has its own benefits, which cannot be superseded by the advantages provided by the apartments.
There is a saying that
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "owns"?
own's
place is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "owns"?
own's
place.
However
, owing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
or an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
is a debatable topic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
are the best place for
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
whereas, there are proponents who count more on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
. I support the latter one, as it provides a sense of freedom and eliminates out the former one's expenditures and restrictions.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
accommodating themselves in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
are
usually
free from the worries of security and maintenance, which turns out to be a huge responsibility when it
Did you mean "comes"?
come
to buying a home. This freedom accounts in respect of the monthly expenditure for both, security and maintenance to the safety guard and owner. The bills
further
include the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of facilities such as car parking, lifts, playing garden etc. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
on to become a huge amount which is much more than what would have
been spent
in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
box.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
owing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, enjoy the perk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
desired infrastructure unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
.
Furthermore
, they can have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
terrace where they can plant their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
garden or enjoy with family during the leisure time. They neither
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bother themselves with the strident noises of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
above or
Use a comma before 'nor' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
below nor
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go far for parking their vehicles. A recent survey of the ''Housing Board Authority '' revealed that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
tend to remain
Use only "happier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more happier
with a sense of peace than to the ones residing in flat.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
provide easiness with the concerns of security,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits, which cannot
be superseded
by the advantages provided by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe the steps, through which you once learned a new subject and explain how you learned it. Please include details and examples in your response v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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