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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement, it is better to live close to parents than far away from them. v.1

, it is better to live close to parents than far away from them. v. 1
Undoubtedly, with the advent new area with the ongoing development in the world different sorts of problems are arising and weight of people is one those concerning issues having caused to giving birth to various unanticipated problems. In some countries middle weight of people is increasing and their rate of health and fitness are decreasing. In turn, this essay will discuss the main problems, obesity and propose some possible solutions to solve them. The main problems caused by eat fast food and do not any exercise. In some countries with increasing life’s pressures and people’s stress in The future. Therefor make some people not have any time for exercise and mobility. For example, even when people have a free time instead of working out in a gym, while they prefer to watch a movie on the television or computer. Moreover, fast food companies are spending million’s of dollars to promote their products on television and the internet. In my opinion, the best solution to these problems is improving active lifestyle. In developing countries the government must create nice conditions for the people to be encouraged to exercise. Some people must decreasing eat a fatty meal or sugar that for health not suitable. For example, by creating free gyms and decreasing production fatty meal. In conclusion, the fitness of people in some countries is extremely significant. Therefore, providing possibilities for people make useful for the well-being of people and affect on lifestyle. Moreover, people should follow a balanced diet and get involved in more physical activities to not lose weight.
Undoubtedly
, with the advent new area with the ongoing development in the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are arising and weight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is one those concerning issues having caused to giving birth to various unanticipated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
middle weight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing and their rate of health and fitness are decreasing. In turn, this essay will discuss the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, obesity and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to solve them.

The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food and do not any exercise. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with increasing life’s pressures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in The future. Therefor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not have any time for exercise and mobility.
For example
, even when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a free time
instead
of working out in a gym, while they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a movie on the television or computer.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are spending
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
’s of dollars to promote their products on television and the internet.

In my opinion, the best solution to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is improving active lifestyle. In developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
create nice conditions for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be encouraged
to exercise.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
decreasing eat a fatty meal or sugar that for health not suitable.
For example
, by creating free gyms and decreasing production fatty meal.

In conclusion
, the fitness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is
extremely
significant.
Therefore
, providing possibilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
useful for the well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on lifestyle.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should follow a balanced diet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in more physical activities to not lose weight.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay , it is better to live close to parents than far away from them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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