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Describe someone that you admireYou should say- who she/he is- Why you admire him/her- when you first saw him/her- and explain how he/she has influenced the way you think v.1

Describe someone that you admireYou should say- who she/he is- Why you admire him/her- when you first saw him/her- and explain how he/she has influenced the way you think v. 1
It is widely acknowledged that job satisfaction is one of the most fundamental targets in people’s desire. However, opinions about methods to have a satisfying career are now polarizing. While a school of thought holds the idea that a better satisfying working life can be achieved by choosing early a job and spending the rest of life on it, I strongly believe that job satisfaction is also accomplished by changing our initial job to another. On the one hand, it is understandable that why a lot of workers advocate their consistence with their early job to get a sense of working satisfaction in their whole life. The foremost key in favour of this view is that if people pursue the initial career, they can progressively accumulate more and more experience from these jobs to handle better with their jobs. In other words, given that the long time they spend in their jobs, they can have a profound perspective about what they do and how they achieve numerous difficult tasks in their careers, hence their more successful careers. Furthermore, a higher salary can be earned when one which has good results in their tasks may be promoted into a prominent position in their company or their organisations. On the other hand, although the aforementioned idea is valid to some extent, I would argue that workers can change their previous careers to gain more satisfying experience. To begin with, there are now a myriad of job opportunities in our society which people can choose to get better incomes and perks or even more promotion chances in lieu of their initial jobs as long as they can achieve enough necessary skills to apply new jobs. I perfectly exemplify this case. When I had practiced enough in my first job in a chemical company, I gained numerous important skills and a huge repository of advanced chemistry knowledge. And after I changed to another company, I have received an expected salary and some privileges which I might be not achieved if I kept on my previous job. Besides that, I have realized that I can continue studying more knowledge and experience in my new company. This bears a testament to how people can change their previous jobs to achieve their more satisfying working life. In conclusion, a decision in an early career path and focusing on it may go a long way towards giving more job satisfaction for a worker; however, I believe we can choose a better job instead of our earlier jobs to have greater working satisfactions.
It is
widely
acknowledged that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is one of the most fundamental targets in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
desire.
However
, opinions about methods to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
polarizing. While a school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
holds the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life can
be achieved
by choosing early a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and spending the rest of life on it, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is
also
accomplished by changing our initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to another.

On the one hand, it is understandable that why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
workers advocate their consistence with their early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
in their whole life. The foremost key in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of this view is that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pursue the initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, they can
progressively
accumulate more and more experience from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that the long time they spend in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they can have a profound perspective about what they do and how they achieve numerous difficult tasks in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
,
hence
their more successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
.
Furthermore
, a higher salary can
be earned
when one which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results in their tasks may
be promoted
into a prominent position in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
or their
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.

On the other hand
, although the aforementioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is valid to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I would argue that workers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
to gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfying
experience. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities in our society which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
incomes and perks or even more promotion chances in lieu of their initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as long as they can achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to apply new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. I
perfectly
exemplify this case. When I had practiced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in my
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in a chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, I gained numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and a huge repository of advanced chemistry knowledge. And after I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, I have received an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
salary and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
privileges which I might be not achieved if I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on my previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Besides
that, I have realized that I can continue studying more knowledge and experience in my new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. This bears a testament to how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to achieve their more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life.

In conclusion
, a decision in an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path and focusing on it may go a long way towards giving more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
for a worker;
however
, I believe we can choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
instead
of our earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to have greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfactions
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Describe someone that you admireYou should say- who she/he is- Why you admire him/her- when you first saw him/her- and explain how he/she has influenced the way you think v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
424 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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