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Describe changes in technology that have affected your life and explain what effect they have had on you as a student Include details and examples to support your explanation v.1

Describe changes in technology that have affected your life and explain what effect they have had on you as a student Include details and examples to support your explanation v. 1
University students are often asked to participate in classes that are more crucial to the future, such as, Science and other technological fields. However, In my opinion, I think that students ought to focus on subjects that matter to their belief. Technological and scientific subjects have a significant effect on our daily life, for that reason, many argue that older students who are entering their colleges should intend on studying these matters only. For a better future, Scientific field works for ensuring a healthy environment. Science is needed to solve most problems that the environment is suffering from such as, pollution. In that case, giving them the required time and allowing students to carry on their researches will promote their chances of developing and innovating new ideas. Also, it can be seen that in daily life, the problems we face are often overcome with the help of new technology. For example, The lack of a public transport system is partially solved for some countries, by the new application services of ordering a taxi cab online. While encouraging young learners to follow their own plans to study what they believe is suitable for them could be more beneficial to them as individuals. Because it allows them to be more enthusiastic about their academic life. As they only focus on matters that are interested in them. As a result, better academic scores could be achieved pushing them to be more confident Which could guarantee an astonishing career. That will not only benefit those young learners’ future, but also an Educational institution will gain a more positive record. In conclusion, science and technology are two needed fields for the future of any developing country. However, allowing university students' freedom to seek what they believe is better for them to have a more positive effect on their personality development. The more Education institution should give students the chance to choose to obtain better academic scores.
University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
asked to participate in classes that are more crucial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, such as, Science and other technological fields.
However
, In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
ought to focus on subjects that matter to their belief.

Technological and scientific subjects have a significant effect on our daily life, for that reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are entering their colleges should intend on studying these matters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. For a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, Scientific field works for ensuring a healthy environment. Science
is needed
to solve most problems that the environment is suffering from such as, pollution.
In that case
, giving them the required time and allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to carry on their researches will promote their chances of developing and innovating new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
Also
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in daily life, the problems we face are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
overcome with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of new technology.
For example
, The lack of a public transport system is
partially
solved for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, by the new application services of ordering a taxi cab online.

While encouraging young learners to follow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
plans to study what they believe is suitable for them could be more beneficial to them as individuals.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to be more enthusiastic about their academic life.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on matters that
are interested
in them.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
academic scores could
be achieved
pushing them to be more confident Which could guarantee an astonishing career. That will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit those young learners’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an Educational institution will gain a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
record.

In conclusion
, science and technology are two needed fields for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
.
However
, allowing university students' freedom to seek what they believe is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for them to have a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on their personality development. The more Education institution should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the chance to choose to obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
academic scores.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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IELTS essay Describe changes in technology that have affected your life and explain what effect they have had on you as a student Include details and examples to support your explanation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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