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Describe an important historic place. What is the place? Where is it located? Why do you think it is important? v.1

Describe an important historic place. What is the place? Where is it located? Why do you think it is important? v. 1
The Internet has become the most accessible for humans in recent times. It does have some great benefits and at the same time, it does have some disastrous effects on our lives. Here I would discuss both aspects and suggest the solution to overcome this problem. First of all, the basic advantage of having the internet is to bring the love ones much closer than ever before. We may now contact them through various channels, for example, Skype, Messengers and other communication facilities available to us. Another good thing is accessing information about the current affairs worldwide for instance, national and international relations with each other. Even not just gaining information, if you like to expand yourself in terms of business you may figure out everything on the internet. Let's say the country according to your business plans where you can accelerate yourself and the consumer market or geographic locations and other important aspects. The internet has made this world smaller than our imagination. However, on the other hand, there is a greater chance to leak out some confidential or sensitive information on the internet, this may cause the whole country putting in a disaster situation. In addition to that, your personal life is being greatly compromised. For example, the latest social media and searching engines seeking your permission to publicize your information on the internet and without knowing the consequences of spreading information we allow these search engines to access our personal information. As the google map is one of the most beneficial ways to get to the desired destination, however, this application seeking our permission to target our location causing compromising your privacy. We are so much indulged with these technologies that it is hard for us now to come out of it. However, we can try to reduce this problem to a minimal level by using less social media websites or may do the work manually as much as possible. The internet is very beneficial by all means, but when it comes to conflict the world war will be the result
The Internet has become the most accessible for humans in recent times. It does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
great benefits and at the same time, it does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disastrous effects on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Here I would discuss both aspects and suggest the solution to overcome this problem.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the basic advantage of having the internet is to bring the
Did you mean "loved ones"?
love ones
much closer than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. We may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
contact them through various channels,
for example
, Skype, Messengers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
communication facilities available to us. Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing is accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs worldwide
for instance
, national and international relations with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Even not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, if you like to expand yourself in terms of business you may figure out everything on the internet.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's say the country according to your business plans where you can accelerate yourself and the consumer market or geographic locations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects. The internet has made this world smaller than our imagination.

However
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there is a greater chance to leak out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
confidential or sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on the internet, this may cause the whole country putting in a disaster situation.
In addition
to that, your personal life is being
greatly
compromised.
For example
, the latest social media and searching engines seeking your permission to publicize your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on the internet and without knowing the consequences of spreading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
these search engines to access our personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. As the
"Google" is a proper noun and needs to be capitalized.
google
map is one of the most beneficial ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the desired destination,
however
, this application seeking our permission to target our location causing compromising your privacy.

We are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much indulged with these technologies that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of it.
However
, we can try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this problem to a minimal level by using less social media websites or may do the work
manually
as much as possible. The internet is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial by all means,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to conflict the world war will be the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
result
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Describe an important historic place. What is the place? Where is it located? Why do you think it is important? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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