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TPO20 Q1 Choose a quality you think makes someone a valuable member of team Explain why you think it is an important quality for a team or group member to have v.1

TPO20 Q1 Choose a quality you think makes someone a valuable member of team Explain why you think it is an important quality for a team or group member to have v. 1
In our trendy society, the seeking for job opportunities are one of the major issues and many of us daily expenses depend upon the wages we are getting. There are two categories of people who wants to get a lifetime job and who wants to do the desirable job. Some group people prefer to work on government job until they retire, although some might think they would like to change the job until they get satisfied. So, the following paragraphs will discuss both views comprehensively. Getting a permanent job is not at all possible in every private firms because they have en numbers of terms and condition, recruit more young challengers and lay-off people who are in slow-pace particularly doing work. Due to this reason, most people hard to study and find a settle job in government or other approachable company who recruit them with a lifetime job guarantee. To illustrate with an example, last year, one standard company laid-off almost 7500 employees in a single day, which become a flash news on all media networks, due to financial burden they approach this method to tackle the crisis. Another major consider point is, most people in every region desired to work throughout their life in government sector for getting settled job. So, they will get salary after they retired too in the name of the pension. On the contrary, some people against that it is not a plausible explanation to work throughout their lives based on average income. This is because they will get more salary depend upon their experience and also base upon their skills they will have a chance to get promotions. But this method doesn't work if the person work in the same firm with the same income. There would not be any assurance to confirm that the person would get a permanent job. For example, if I worked in government job more than 10 years with the same wages, it means I am not getting any benefits and just maintains the position of job. In contrast, if I worked in a private company with better salary packages, on there, I will dabble to get experience, try to get better position if not move to another firm and fulfil my position with a good income. To conclude, although it is essential to have a permanent job rather than temporary, I personally believed that if the job doesn't satisfy my ambition, it wouldn't worth it to work there for a long time to get a better salary. Instead of that I should probably select the desirable job whether it may be temporary or part-time, working with many firms will teach me a good experience and skills.
In our trendy society, the seeking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities are one of the major issues and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us daily expenses depend upon the wages we are getting. There are two categories of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a lifetime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wants to do the desirable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
until they retire, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
satisfied.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the following paragraphs will discuss both views
comprehensively
.

Getting a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is not at all possible in every private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have en numbers of terms and condition, recruit more young challengers and lay-off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in slow-pace
particularly
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Due to this reason, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to study and find a settle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or other approachable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
recruit them with a lifetime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
guarantee. To illustrate with an example, last year, one standard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
laid-off almost 7500 employees in a single day, which become
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "flash news".
a flash news
on all media networks, due to financial burden they approach this method to tackle the crisis. Another major consider point is, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in every region desired to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
throughout their life in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
sector for getting settled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
after they retired too in the name of the pension.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
against that it is not a plausible explanation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
based on average income. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
depend upon their experience and
also
base upon their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they will have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promotions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this method doesn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
if the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firm
with the same income. There would not be any assurance to confirm that the person would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, if I worked in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
more than 10 years with the same wages, it means I am not getting any benefits and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
maintains the position of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
In contrast
, if I worked in a private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
packages, on there, I will dabble to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
experience, try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better position if not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firm
and fulfil my position with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
income.

To conclude
, although it is essential to have a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
rather
than temporary, I
personally
believed that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
doesn't satisfy my ambition, it
The word 'worth' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
wouldn't worth
it to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
there for a long time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
Instead
of that I should
probably
select the desirable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
whether it may be temporary or part-time, working with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
will teach me a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay TPO20 Q1 Choose a quality you think makes someone a valuable member of team Explain why you think it is an important quality for a team or group member to have v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
448 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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